8 Signs He's Being Sweet And 8 Signs He's Actually Manipulative

Relationships are full of ambiguities and grey areas that nobody can navigate 100% successfully. Sometimes when things are going really well, you might have a sinking feeling in your stomach that everything will suddenly go wrong. If things are going pretty bad, you might find yourself making excuses and trying to breathe life into a dying horse. When it comes to new relationships, you're opening up a vulnerable part of yourself to the whims of somebody you barely know. While you discover each other there can be bumps along the way, and sometimes it can be difficult to decode which bumps are actually red flags.

Guys can be really sweet, but the same sweetness can be a mask for manipulation. Not every relationship will have these problems, but dishonesty and disloyalty are as ancient as the pyramids. This isn't to say that every nice guy is secretly a monster waiting to take advantage of your vulnerability, but the sad truth is that a lot of guys are absolutely willing to go there. An even sadder truth? A lot of guys carry out manipulative behavior without even realizing. It's just part of the way they're socialized to treat women. That's no excuse, though, for treating somebody badly. There's never an excuse for abuse of any kind, and while it might be difficult for you to see it happening while you're trapped in the moment, once you're out of the madness you'll be able to look back on all the red flags and wonder how you never saw the signs as clearly. Here are 8 signs your guy is just a regular sweetheart, and 8 signs he's being a manipulative jerk.

16 Sweet: His Friends Get To Know You And Make You Feel Like You're Part Of The Group

Meeting new people is HARD. Meet your boyfriend's friends for the first time? Even harder. It's probably a good sign if the people your man is friends with are solid people as well. Just imagine a chorus of moms saying, “You are who you hang out with!” In any case, when his friends make an effort to include you, it might be a sign that he has his sights set on you for the long term. Dismissal on his friends' behalf might suggest he brings a lot of different girls around, so if they're open to you and let you in, it means that they trust his judgment and his vision. Don't take this for granted! A lot of girls might find their boyfriend's friend groups to be a barrier, so if you've got it easy, take it as a blessing.

15 Manipulative: He Literally Has No Goals While You Support Him

It can be hard to admit that your man is kind of a loser, but chances are if you suspect he might be, he already knows he is. You don't need to be grown up to know if he's planning on coasting on your success. If he constantly forgets to bring his wallet or can never give you gas money, these are red flags. If he lives with you but doesn't do anything to contribute or expects you to do all the cooking and cleaning while he does absolutely nothing, that's the same thing. You are not his mother. He shouldn't treat his mother like that anyway. When it comes to tasks and chores around the house, you're allowed to delegate. Don't let a brief period of unemployment or bad luck fester into a lifestyle that you never asked to be a part of.

14 Sweet: He Makes It Obvious He Cares About What Happened During Your Day

Depending on what stage you're at in your relationship, the level of engagement your guy has with your day-to-day can determine when you guys are a real thing or a passing fling. Depending on what his goals are - it's no secret that many guys have ulterior motives - asking about your day and knowing what you're up to can be an affirming sign that things are going well. He wants to understand what makes you tick and what he can do to make space for you in his own busy life while looking for ways he can fit into yours. Alternatively, he could ignore you for the entire day and wait until sundown to hit you up. Keeping tabs on you is a sign that he cares about you, but know that there's a fine line between checking in and hovering a little too close.

13 Manipulative: He Bottles In His Anger Then Blames You When He Blows Up

A lot of grown men don't seem to mature emotionally past 15. Being on the receiving end of a tantrum can be incredibly scary because it can make you question your physical safety in what should be a loving environment. It's also totally exhausting being subject to the emotional whims of a loved one, especially when they don't seem to follow any rhyme or reason. If your boyfriend explodes in anger when he's having issues, it shows that he lacks the ability to communicate in a healthy way. Be careful with people like this - the breakups can be messy and traumatizing. Relationships shouldn't be scary or make you wonder whether or not you can trust your SO to react maturely to conflict. Be careful!

12 Sweet: Your Friends Actually Think He's Decent

You should always listen to your friends before you listen to any guy. They will want what's best for you with no strings attached. If your squad gives you the green light, you're pretty much set. Your friends will pick up on details and red flags you might be missing or even ignoring. It's always good to have an outsider perspective on relationships, so let your friends help you strengthen yours. If your boyfriend makes a positive, lasting impression on your friends, it's because he doesn't want to put up a possible barrier in your relationship. Guys know that it's not easy to win everyone over, even when they're being totally sincere. If they can do it successfully, it's a sign of good things to come.

11 Manipulative: He Only Treats You When He Wants Something Back

If getting presents from your man gives you a sinking feeling, it's probably a bad sign. If you're in a relationship with somebody who is very controlling, they might try to buy your affection with gifts. It could be things, experiences, food, anything. Using gifts to cover up shady behavior or compensate for a tantrum are like alarm bells that something is wrong. Don't ignore the signs! If a Pandora charm means he gets to have something you're not comfortable with giving him, whether it's letting him go out with the boys when you had plans, engaging in activities that make you feel uneasy or even winning an argument, then it's probably time to disengage and find somebody less manipulative. Give yourself the gift of self-love.

10 Sweet: He Takes You Out And Shows You Off In Front Of Everyone

Nobody likes being anybody's dirty little secret. If all your boyfriend wants to do is hang out in his car or in his room, maybe he's not the guy for you. A guy who takes you out and shows you off does it because he knows it can be a validating experience. He's not embarrassed by you and wants to share the positive in your relationship with the people around you. Plus, everybody likes to be treated. Classy date nights are a dying art, so don't let yourself miss out on the experience. Making a public appearance Is also a sign that he doesn't care what people think about your relationship, and that takes a certain amount of vulnerability. Men aren't always great at expressing themselves, and getting creative about taking you out is a good outlet for this kind of energy.

9 Manipulative: He Spends More Time With Your Friends Than He Should

Having a boyfriend who sneaks behind your back to hang out with your friends is a sign that you not only need to get a new boyfriend, you probably also need new friends. Your friends should be there to support you, so if they're carrying out some shady stuff behind your back with the person you trust the most, you'll need to do a lot of introspection and reevaluating your surroundings. While it's okay for your boyfriend to be friendly with your friends, cheating is never okay. Different couples have different definitions of what cheating is - have you discussed yours? Don't let yourself be taken advantage of because he's exploiting some kind of ambiguity or loophole. Know what your stance is on emotional infidelity and stand your ground.

8 Sweet: He Communicates Why He's Feeling Crappy And Doesn't Make You Feel Bad

This is a rare quality, but it's so important. Boys who can communicate what they're feeling in a healthy and constructive way are KEEPERS! Don't let him get away! Nobody likes playing guessing games, especially when it comes to guys' feelings. Everyone ends up feeling crappy and misunderstood. If communication is one of his strong suits, it probably means he has been exposed to healthy models of relationships. It's cliché, but good communication is essential for healthy relationships. Unfortunately, good, effective communication seems to be the exception in most relationships and not the rule. Don't miss out on the chance to grow with somebody who respects you enough to employ honesty during difficult periods, especially when it means you will both come out stronger.

7 Manipulative: He Tracks Your Every Movement And Doesn't Let Up

There's a difference between caring about your wellbeing and stalking. A text asking what's up is cute. Being interrogated until you've given a detailed itinerary is creepy. Wanting to know where you are, what you're doing, and who you're with at all times is a massive red flag. This kind of guy might be really sweet and loving, but you never know when his sweetness will turn to vitriol and when all of the questions will turn into accusations. Being tracked all day long is usually a symptom of an imbalanced power dynamic in an unhealthy relationship - he's trying to exert control over you. These relationships are often the most difficult to break away from, but if you find yourself in a difficult situation with a guy, tell somebody and get help so you can get out.

6 Sweet: He Understands Your Long Term Goals

Having goals outside of your relationship is crucial. You don't want to be stuck in a relationship with somebody and have nothing fulfilling you outside. A lack of goals can also mean a lack of perspective and can be a sign that your relationship will stagnate. In a healthy relationship, the ability to maintain goals apart from the relationship means that these goals will be supported by your boyfriend. Instead of thinking of goals as distractions, see them as a chance for you guys to grow. If your boyfriend thinks the same way, it means he cares about your long-term growth, too. Respecting your ambition means he's secure in himself and secure with you because he understands that you can work on yourself while contributing to your relationship.

5 Manipulative: His Friends Hate You Because He Talks About You Behind Your Back

There's nothing less humiliating than walking into a room full of people and realizing they were just saying terrible things about you. Ask Cady Heron. If you think your man plays Regina George to his friends and drags you behind your back, you should probably start letting him go. Even if he doesn't say anything about you, the opinion of his friends can influence his behavior, and their opinions can be influenced arbitrarily. Chances are, he's going to listen to them before he decides to settle. The last thing a new relationship needs is bad vibes and negativity. You deserve better - get yourself up and out! Don't waste your time steeping yourself in a toxic environment when there's cleaner water, better people, and nicer guys elsewhere.

4 Sweet: You Set Clear & Reasonable Boundaries Together

Setting boundaries is vital if you want to keep each other happy. This could mean understanding ideas like consent, communicating when you want to be left alone, or even just establishing your comfort level around things like teasing. Not everybody wants to be roasted in front of everyone on Instagram or have embarrassing things they've said be shared on online. If he can understand that you have limits while being honest about his own, it shows that he respects you and is making an effort. A lot of guys do not understand this, which can lead to problems pretty quickly. All of this goes back to communication, even if it sometimes means highlighting negative things and being aware of their impact. If he can be honest about his boundaries and respect yours, he's definitely a winner.

3 Manipulative: He Is Secretive About His Whereabouts & Ignores Your Concerns

With things like Find My Friends and Snapchat Maps, it's difficult to lose track of where your friends are. If you're not into that, when you want to know what your boyfriend is doing, all you really have is his word. Obviously, when a guy puts a lot of effort into sneaking around, he will probably take extra steps to make sure you don't find out. There's an odd chance that he won't if he's an idiot, but making infidelity and sketchy behavior obvious by deliberately omitting to tell you where he's been is definitely a sign of a greater problem. He might be testing you to see what your reaction is, or trying the path of least resistance to make you jealous. Nip this one in the bud, get rid of him.

2 Sweet: He Gives You Thoughtful And Meaningful Gifts

No girl in the world wants another crappy gift basket from Bath & Bodyworks. Nobody wants a box of chocolates or flowers from the grocery store. Gifts that are well thought out and meaningful show that he's thinking about you in the long term - he's building memories, and his gifts reflect the longevity of your relationship. Gifts like jewelry or a wallet from a proper designer are made to last, and that's what he's projecting on the relationship. If you think about him every time you put on your bracelet, that means he's done a good job. He wants you to be reminded of him! While cheap chocolate can be fun for a silly last minute date night in, it's not really a gift that carries a lot of weight. Sometimes being spoiled is a good thing.

1 Manipulative: He Avoids Taking You Where Anyone Can See You Together

If your boyfriend avoids taking you in public, there's a slight chance that you might be a side chick. Don't panic! It's not your fault! It happens to the best of us - but you definitely deserve better than to be toted around in secrecy while he brings his actual girlfriend (or even multiple girlfriends) out on cute dates. Do you spend a lot of time hanging out in your cars? His place? Yours? When was the last time you went for coffee together? The Starbucks Drive Through doesn't count. While time alone as a couple can be nice, being taken out in front of others can be validating in a way that you can't get from having another Netflix and pizza night. It's nice to know that he's not ashamed of being seen with you.