19 Ways To Get Him To Chase You (And Not Come Off As Desperate)

When we're really into someone, we want to make sure that they feel the same way, so we often resort to petty game playing to catch their attention and to get them to look our way. The problem with game playing is that you end up doing most of the work. Overall the whole thing usually comes across as a little scheming and manipulative. In other words, kinda desperate, which is obviously very unattractive.

To get a guy to genuinely chase you, you can't just act unavailable you have to be unavailable. Being unavailable means you to have to actively build a life that makes you happy and fulfilled, totally solo. And because you've built such a wonderful and awesome life for yourself your happiness will be rooted in things other than how some random guy feels about you. Make him put in some work and use your womanly charm to your advantage while you're at it because that never hurt anyone. Right?

At the end of the day, when you build a life you're proud of, there will be no shortage of premium dudes who will want to be a part of it. Here are specifics on how to get him to chase you, without coming off as desperate.

19 Charm him with confidence

That doesn't mean going around bragging about how great your new job is or posting your gym bod non-stop all over social media. These things cry of look-at-me desperation and are a sure way to chase quality guys away from you. This is because the essence of true confidence is not linked to something external, it's actually all in how you feel about yourself, regardless of reality. News Flash! You don't even have to have the coolest job, insta perfect body or sleekest apartment to be confident. Things don't make you confident. It's how you feel about those things that translate into real confidence. That comfort in yourself will radiate outwards and be a super magnet to guys around you.

18 Definitely don't do it too soon

An oldie but a goodie. In our tinder times, decent intimacy can be found fast, cheap, and usually within your zip code. It's a curse and a blessing of our times. As a result, physical intimacy alone is never the best way to make a guy stick around, let alone chase you - because, like a Pumpkin Spice Latte, you can get it anywhere. So, you have to make him work for it a little if you want him to chase you. Make him earn it, so to speak. Intimacy is something to value and work towards so take your time. Give him just enough to make him feel like he's close, but don't give in too soon, even if you really want to. Do this, and he will be chasing you down in no time.

17 Stay busy and value your time

You're a busy woman - right? In this day and age we are all busy, or at least we have the opportunity to be. Fill your days with meaningful people and activities to keep your life vibrant and interesting. Actively doing this for you and only you show others that you value your time and growth. Time is precious and it should never be wasted on people who are not serious or don't bring any value to your life. When we are young we tend to make time for people and things that don't really contribute to our overall happiness. But as we mature we have the power to say “no” to the things and people who don't really bring value to our life. When you show a guy your time is highly valuable, they will be scrambling to prove to you that he is worthy of your precious time.

16 In public, never approach him first

When you see a guy you like out in public, at a bar or party for example, we're often not sure what the best course of action is to get their attention. First off, the worst thing you can do is straight up ignore him because although it may seem like a reverse-psychology way to get their attention, it will definitely come across as manipulative and desperate. Not to mention - if you actually know the person - it's not very polite. It all relates back to point number one. You first. Enjoy your night for yourself. If you see him out in public, be friendly - of course, wave and send out a flirty smile. That way, when he will eventually come your way to say “hi”, then the idea is implanted in his head that he made the effort to come see you, and not the other way around. That will reinforce the idea that he's into you. And before you know it, he will be.

15 Never tolerate bad behavior

If a guy does something to push your boundaries, you're not afraid to cut him off. Like, right away. Because your life is awesome as it is, not having him around is not going to change much. In doing that, you show him that you can stay true to your core and values. You have a backbone, and you're not afraid to speak up when someone crosses the line. This is very attractive and shows that you have respect for yourself and your beliefs. If you do this guy will be running to you, because, even though guys don't say it enough, they want you to call them out on their BS. They will chase a woman who can do that.

14 Show your body but not too much skin

Nothing screams desperation more than showing off all your skin. I know you've been working hard on your bod, but as your mama told you, leave a little room for the imagination. Nothing says “I want attention now” more than eye-popping cleavage, for example. Now, I'm not saying the key to getting a guy to chase you is wearing a thick shapeless burlap sack as a dress. It's all about the striking a balance. You can and should show off the shape and curves of your body. You can also choose to selectively show off some key body parts such as shoulders, collarbone, and neck, which are known for their ability to quickly stir up mystery and a guy's interest. Always keep it polished and sophisticated. Take it easy on the makeup, too. Men love women who are confident in their skin. And if you radiate that, he will be chasing after you in no time.

13 A little flirting goes a long way

Don't be afraid to gently tease a guy. Make him aware that you know what you got and you know what he's got, too. You're a smart and tough girl that can take a little teasing back. Guys will fall all over that. There is nothing like fast and witty banter to get a guy hook on you. Rule #1 - keep it light and fun. Here are some tips to follow. Develop an ongoing inside joke with him, secure some signature emojis that he'll associate with you and only you, stroke his ego a little bit, and always have the last word. This back and forth will drive him crazy and make him want to come back for more fun. In the end, he will be chasing you in no time.

12 Cool off on social media use

A little mystery goes a long way in 2017. We live in a world where we are robot-like glued to our phones and feel the need to document every sandwich, smoothie, and outing to the bar. If it's not on insta, did it really happen? But something truly magical happens when you're not so focused on doing that all the time - you instantly stand out from the crowd. All puns intended. Once again, there is a sweet spot. Don't disappear completely, because when someone totally falls off the grid we sadly tend to forget about them entirely. The key is to use social media wisely and to your advantage. And always make sure to follow the cardinal rule, don't overdo it.

11 Put yourself first, always

Are you about to cancel plans with friends or your cherished “me time” because a guy you barely know texted you to hang out. If the answer is “yes” then you are not putting yourself first. You're putting him first. And that's a surefire way to lead him down the road to take-you-for-granted Ville. It's natural to feel an urge to put someone else before your needs, especially when there is fiery attraction involved. But if you want him to chase you, resist that urge girl. Because consistently putting someone else's needs before your own always leads to feeling resentful. Guys always put themselves first. So why aren't you doing the same? Enjoy your “me time”, friends, and family - even if it means he's not there. He will value your company so much more if he feels that you know how to prioritize your time.

10 Be Fiercely Independent

Being independent means that you rely on yourself and your judgment above anyone else. Because at the end of the day, you are the most reliable person you know. This doesn't mean that you don't ever need help from others. Being fiercely independent also means knowing when you need to ask for help, and not being afraid to. If a guy deep down feels you don't actually need him, that you trust yourself without the influence of others, he will be all over you like white on rice. There is nothing more attractive than someone who has full trust and the confidence in themselves. That makes a guy want to trust you too.

9 Give only as much as he gives you

When we're really crushing hard on someone, we sometimes think that - if we try extra hard to impress them by making time for them, going out of your way for them, they will eventually realize how much they like you back and maybe they will even start giving back. Sadly, the world doesn't quite work that way and spoiling someone usually leads them to get comfortable and taking you for granted. Remember, we value the things we have to work for. So, make guys work for your energy, time and attention. Because those are precious resources you should value more than anything else. The best way to go about that IRL is to not give more than you receive. Command the time and attention you deserve and guys will be instantly attracted to you because you don't give it away for free.

8 Be true to yourself

Being true to yourself means sticking to your beliefs and opinions. Making decisions only based on what you want, and not out of fear of what other people will think of you. Live for yourself. Screw what others think. Warning - this is not a free pass to act harmful or hurtful towards other people. This just means that you should not feel pressured to act, be, or look a certain way to get someone's approval or attention. For example, some girls feel the need to fake interest in a certain type of music or fix themselves up to get attention from a guy. Maybe you will gain their attention, but it won't be to the real version of yourself. It will be for a version you made up to attract him, and how long you think you can keep that act up? Whereas, if you are true to yourself, guys who like you for you will take notice, and they will always make their feelings clear to you.

7 Don't seek reassurance from him

Nothing turns a person off more than insecurity. I realize that we all have our moments, but if you're seeking constant reassurance from a guy - by let's say, texting him just to see if he will respond, then he will surely catch on and slowly fade away. Irrational paranoia is not sexy. You shouldn't be making decisions out of fear or a need for validation. Remember, you build an awesome life around you, and you have plenty of things - including yourself - to make you feel good. You don't need approval from a guy you barely know. When dudes truly sense that you feel amazing on your own and don't need that validation from them, you will be swatting them away like flies.

6 Subtly imply that he's not the only one

Uh yeah, your tinder matches count too. For this one, you have to find a sweet spot, though. You don't want to full-blown talk about being into or seeing someone else because that will just give the impression that you're not interested. The key is to subtly imply that there are other guys out there looking, and you're looking back. Whether it's passively commenting on another guy's appearance “oh, you know Ben from Chemistry. He has nice eyes” or liking other guys pictures on Insta. Imply that he's not the only target of your affection because he genuinely isn't. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, and soon enough, you will have guys begging to be the only egg in your basket.

5 Use short and vague language

A cute flirty dress, beautiful cascading hair and flawless eyeliner are just accessories in the art of getting a guy to chase you. As you can see from Instagram there are millions of perfectly contoured girls who can also put together a cute outfit. The key to really catch a guy's attention is a lot less tangible. Language is the ultimate way to stay on someone's mind all day. Vague language gives him enough bait to nibble but frustratingly not enough to bite. Your goal is to get him go to his friends and say “what the hell does she mean by that?” Let him read into your words and this puzzle will get him hooked. You're a smart girl, who knows how to use words to your advantage. He will be all over that.

4  Reveal yourself slowly

Be the opposite of an open book. I truly believe there is no such thing as a boring person or someone with no personality. Everybody has a story to tell, but don't tell it so fast. Let a guy earn every chapter. The best part of meeting someone new is getting to know them over time. Let the details come about organically, don't force it by acting like a salesman trying to prove to someone how great and wonderful your life is. Your life is great. Show it, don't tell it. If your life is exciting, those stories will naturally come up over time and radiate through your behavior. Guys will want to spend time with you because they'll be interested in knowing the details. If you give it all away in one shot, then the story is over, and so are you.

3 Take your time texting back

This is a classic piece of advice and some would say it doesn't really apply today because we all have our phones glued to us 24/7. The fact that you can respond to someone at any time makes this rule apply even more. Also, it let's you enforce the points I brought up earlier. For example, if you start texting him back in the middle of class or the workday, what kind of message do you think you're sending by doing that? That's right - that you're free and available to talk whenever. But you value your time, remember that! And we all know that you're also a busy lady, with a plate full of things to do, people to see, and “me” time to be had. So, take your time messaging him back, because you are actually busy. This sends a strong message that you put you first. Always.

2 Instead of words use eye contact and your smile

You have officially become the master of seduction if you can get away with saying something with only your eyes and smile. Nothing turns on a guy more than a flirty come-hither eye contact and sexy smirk. Use these two to your advantage when you see him out in public as above or if you're just hanging out alone or with friends. The classic move is to look at directly, hold your gaze for a few seconds, and look down. Control your eye contact to let him know with a glance, how you feel. There is nothing sexier than saying “I want to see you naked” with your eyes. He will be all over that and definitely thinking about that stare long after you've left the room.

1 Don't give boyfriend perks unless he's your boyfriend

Last but not least and to quote an old saying; why would someone buy the cow if you're giving the milk away for free. The milk being all the awesome perks of being your girl, cooking, cuddling, back rubs etc. If you're doing all of these things for him without exclusivity, why would he ever feel compelled to commit to you? You would be an amazing girlfriend! Show him that slowly by doing nice little things for him, when he earns it - of course. But don't give it all without something in return. If it's exclusivity that you're looking for, don't give perks for free. If that's what he's looking for too, he will be in a rush to lock it down, because he knows that you're a prize that no one else should have but him.