16 Things Women Say When They Don't Love Themselves Enough
We live in a society that encourages women to be independent and confident. While women are still fighting for equality, they're told to embrace the power they wield as women, and to channel that into making a difference in the world. At a glance, it certainly appears that slowly, but surely, women are beginning to rise above the oppression that's been helping them down for all of these years, with more body-positive campaigns making it into mainstream media, as well as the message of female empowerment being woven through social media.
However, despite all of these seemingly positive messages about how women should treat themselves and each other, this doesn't diminish the fact that whether or not you're an advocate for feminism, or if you're encouraging and supportive of other women, there are still many people out there who suffer from insecurities. Even if you think that you're confident in yourself, you might still be doing and saying things that would suggest otherwise. Here, we're looking at phrases and actions that may actually be hindering your ability to a totally confident and secure person. If you find that a lot of these phrases remind you of yourself, it might be time to do some re-evaluating of your self-worth.
16 "He Won't Hurt Me Again"
Anyone who has been in a relationship that didn't work out probably knows all-too-well the feeling of heartbreak. Even if we don't mean to, it's not totally uncommon for people to hurt each other when they're nearing the end of a relationship. However, this does not excuse words or actions that are taken against each other with the purpose of inflicting pain - emotional, or otherwise.
Someone who is secure in who they are as a person, is likely to recognize that being constantly hurt by a significant other is a sign that they shouldn't be with them anymore. However, someone who has a difficult time seeing their self-worth, might not love themselves enough to feel worthy of a caring and dependable partner. This woman is more likely to repeatedly forgive a toxic partner, even when they should just be moving on.
15 "He (Or She) Must Think That… "
Loving yourself means accepting that you're not a perfect person. While we can continue to try and improve upon ourselves, most people recognize that perfection is not the goal, as that's just not how we're built as human beings. Unfortunately, someone who doesn't love themselves may still feel like what other people think about them is more important than how they feel about themselves.
Someone who isn't totally secure in themselves will value other people's perception of them, because it is a form of validation. A person who loves themselves likely isn't going to be too concerned about another person's opinion of them, because they'll feel secure and know that they're the best person they can be. Wondering how people see you, and working to please everyone can be exhausting work, so you might want to try and focus on how you feel about yourself first.
14 "I Probably Deserved It"
Whether we like it or not, not everything in life is rainbows and butterflies. With the good comes the bad, and unpleasant, sometimes even devastating things happen to all of us at some point or another. The thing that sets people apart from one another is how they cope when bad things happen to them. Take for example, someone who has been deliberately hurt by another person.
If a secure person were hurt by a significant other or a friend, they might demand an apology, or have a talk with that person about how they were unhappy with how events transpired, in the hopes of coming to some sort of resolution. However, a woman who doesn't love herself enough may not recognize that it's not okay to be treated poorly by someone, to the point where they might even believe that they deserved it.
13 "I Shouldn't Say Anything"
One of our responsibilities as women and people in general is to stand up for ourselves, and each other. With a volatile political climate, and issues regarding human rights and inclusivity making headlines every single day, speaking out about your beliefs, especially in the face of ignorance and intolerance is so important.
Unfortunately, standing up for yourself and what you believe in is easier said than done. This is why someone who doesn't feel secure in themselves might be inclined to stay quiet when they're faced with issues that pertain to them, even when they don't agree with what's happening. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for what's right, but how can you be courageous when you're insecure? Standing up for yourself requires conviction, and it can be tough not to second guess yourself if you don't love and accept yourself first.
12 [Insert Whatever They Say To Constantly Brag About Themselves Here]
While it's true that loving yourself means that you celebrate all of the different attributes that you feel make you a wonderful person, there is a fine line between embracing the positives, and just downright bradding about them. Loving yourself and being secure doesn't necessarily mean that you have to announce how great you are all the time. The reason why being self-assured is so powerful, is that you don't have to say anything at all, but people feel that you're confident because of how you carry yourself - not just by how amazing you tell people that you are.
Bragging about yourself might seem like it portrays confidence, but in fact, it shows quite the opposite. If you're happy about who you are as a person, and what you do in your life, you shouldn't need to broadcast it to the world to feel validation, because that validation should come from within.
11 "If Only I Was [ ] Like Her"
We are all individuals. Even like-minded people or people who share an aptitude for the same things are still very different from one another. The fact is, we all know this, yet it can be tough not to compare ourselves to each other, especially when someone is exceling in something that you're good at as well.
A secure person might acknowledge that someone is doing something better than them, but will use that to motivate themselves to try harder. However, someone who doesn't love themselves enough might just dwell on how much better the other person is, without any thought as to how they themselves can improve. Trying to compare yourself to everyone can be exhausting work, because it's impossible to live up to the idea that you can be just as good/cool/funny/smart etc. as everyone else. Once you realize that no one is great at everything, you might feel a lot less stressed.
10 "I'm Okay"
When people are having a tough time, it can be difficult to ask for help. We all want to feel like strong, capable, and independent women, but sometimes, we forget that that doesn't mean that we have to go through everything alone. It might seem easy to just cover up how you're really feeling by telling people that you're okay all the time. However, someone who loves themselves will be willing to recognize that it's okay not be okay all the time. We all go through our highs and lows, and we shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed to be going through a tough time. Someone who doesn't love themselves enough might feel like they always have to portray an image of someone who never has any difficulties in life, and that's juts unrealistic.
9 "Whatever You Want"
Compromise is the key to making any relationship, romantic or otherwise, work. Even like-minded individuals with a ton of things in common can disagree, so it's important to know when to concede and when to perhaps push to get your way. This is a delicate balance, especially because you're dealing with other people, and not just yourself. It's true that it might seem easier to just agree with everyone and do what they want, in order to avoid conflict, but at what point do you go from being someone who is good at compromise, to someone who is more or less a doormat? While it might be necessary to give in and let someone else have their way once in a while, there are also times when you should be allowed to want what you want and have someone concede to your wishes.
8 [Insert Harsh Self-Criticism Here]
Life is full of successes and failures. It may be very easy to celebrate your successes, but learning from your failures, rather than dwelling on the failure itself can be a bit trickier to put into practice. It's natural to feel like you could have done something differently or better, when things don't turn out quite as you had planned, but someone who doesn't love themselves might really blame and criticize themselves for not achieving something that they wanted to.
A person who believes in their capabilities might very well be disappointed at a failure. The difference is, someone who is sure of themselves can recognize that they aren't perfect, and that perhaps a setback is just an opportunity to do some self-reflection and learn from their mistakes. Loving yourself means being able to forgive yourself as well.
7 "I Don't Think I Can Do It"
At one time or another, you have probably doubted yourself. Whatever the reason for this is, most people can usually rise above this self-doubt and move forward. Whether or not you'll always be successful, or always get things right is another story. However, it does show that you believe in yourself if you're at least willing to try, even when you're unsure that you can.
People who don't love themselves enough might not necessarily believe in their own capabilities either. That's why constant self-doubt could be something that plagues their day-to-day life. Even when you think you can't do something, finding a way to get over that hurdle of doubt and fear and trying something that scares you, might just show you that you're more capable than you give yourself credit for.
6 They Have A Difficult Time Saying "No"
While you might be afraid to embark on things that you don't think you're capable of doing, if you don't love yourself enough, once people ask things of you, you may be inclined to agree, even when you don't want to. If you're insecure, you might not want to ever turn anyone down, or tell them the dreaded “N-O” word. People who are secure in themselves aren't afraid to set boundaries, whether it is in their workplace, or with their friends and family. Being helpful and agreeable can all be great things to be, but sometimes, there are things that you should be able to say no to, without feeling guilty, or feeling like someone now thinks less of you because when you felt that you couldn't or shouldn't do something, that you said, “no.”
5 They'll Do/Say Anything To Satisfy Their Need To Fit In
Fitting-in and being well-liked is not a bad thing. However, it can become a pretty serious problem, if being well-liked and fitting-in becomes a priority to you. Being popular might have been really important when you were younger, but as we get older and become more secure, people often come to the realization that there are a lot more important things in life. People who are secure are also generally well-liked by others, because they don't feel the need to prove themselves or show off. Someone who truly believes in and loves themselves are happy to learn about others, and show genuine interest in other people. Because they're not looking for validation, they don't feel the need to make everyone happy, especially if it's at the expense of their self-worth.
4 "I Don't Think I'm Strong Enough"
Trying times are always a great test of people's inner-strength. Some people may buckle under the pressure or grief or stress, while others shine and become great leaders and support systems for ones who need it. Being a strong person isn't necessarily something that just happens to you. People have to grow and mature, as well as experience life before they can find inner-strength to keep moving forward.
Unfortunately, even with life experience and growth, someone who does not love themselves enough might still constantly doubt their strength when faced with difficult events or choices in their life. Feeling like you're not strong enough might mean that you are unsure whether you can handle making the wrong choice, or making a tough or unpopular decision, even if it means doing the right thing.
3 They're Always Putting Everyone's Needs Before Their Own
Selflessness is a wonderful trait in people. It shows that they are willing to put others' needs before their own, especially if other people need help. However, there is a line between selflessness and martyrdom that can become quite blurry if you're someone who doesn't love yourself as much as you should.
Being selfless to a fault can be a sign of someone who is insecure, because it means that you would rather put all of your attention and energy towards making everyone else's life around you better, at the cost of your own. If you're burned out because you've only been taking care of other people's needs, you might want to take a step back and evaluate why you're doing this. Some people focus on others so that they can avoid facing their own issues, and while it's great to be helpful towards other people, you also need to be kind to yourself once in a while.
2 They Never Take Time For Just Themselves
Have you ever looked through your social media feed on a night that you decided not to go out, only to see your friends having a great time without you? If in that moment, you regretted not going out as well, you've probably experienced FOMO. However, it's also important to note that we all need some quite, along time every now and again, just to recharge and have some peace. People who don't love themselves enough might not ever want to take time out to be alone, because they feel like they're better off in the company of others. Being with people all the time is a great way to avoid any sort of self-reflection, because you're just too distracted. Someone who is secure will usually recognize that alone time is good for you, and enjoy being by themselves, as well as being with their family and friends.
1 They're Always Somehow Looking For Attention
Even if you're not the most outgoing person out there, it is usually quite nice to get some recognition for an accomplishment, or perhaps even something simple like a compliment on your outfit or a great idea you presented at a work meeting. Validation from our peers is something that we might seek, even if we're secure, because it's nice to be the star, even once-in-a-while. However, when people have the constant need for attention, it might be a sign that they are insecure, or don't love themselves enough. People who are confident and love themselves don't need others to constantly be doting upon them, because they already know what their strengths are, so they don't need to be adored for those strengths all the time. They're also not likely to go out of their way to seek the attention of their peers, just so they can feel better about themselves.