15 Things That Mean He Sees You As A Doormat

When I was growing up, I was taught that love and respect are two different things. I was also taught a more traditional and archaic theory of relationships: women crave love while men crave respect, and those things are separate from each other. As I got older and had relationships of my own, I realized that this way of looking at relationships, men, and women was entirely wrong and that in order to truly love someone in a healthy way, there needs to be a mutual respect between all parties involved. Unfortunately, not everyone thinks that way, and their relationships suffer for it, the women who think love is enough most of all.

We all want to think that love is enough to sustain your relationship but as much as you want to think that, you might find yourself really steamrollered in your relationship. He might not be doing anything you consider to be a deal-breaker, but you may find yourself feeling really small and even broken in your relationship. Worse, you might feel like you deserve to be treated like a doormat because you feel like you won't be able to do any better than him. I can tell you right now that it doesn't matter how you feel about him: if he doesn't respect you, he doesn't love you. Here are fifteen signs that he might be thinking of you as a doormat.

15 You Feel Co-Dependent On Him

Co-dependency is a potent drug and it often is the death knell of many relationships. Co-dependency is when you feel like you need something or someone to survive and you feel like you can't do anything without that person or thing. It's the opposite of feeling empowered: people who feel empowered are able to make their own decisions and make moves on their own, and while they might appreciate input from outside sources, they don't need it to live their lives. Co-dependent people do. Do you feel like, in order to do anything, you need to have his approval? Will you back off from doing something you really want that doesn't harm the relationship because he says no? That could be a sign of co-dependency, and your co-dependency can put you in a doormat position.

14 He Lies A Lot, And They're Not White Lies

Do you catch your guy in lies? I'm not talking about little lies, like whether he likes your outfit today, either. Have you ever accidentally stumbled across his phone and found lots of messages from an ex he said he'd never see again, especially if you've had an argument about that before? Did you ever realize that he had a serious problem, like gambling issues, serial cheating, or a drug addiction? After finding those things out, did you let things continue the way they were, or did you put your foot down? When you put your foot down, did he listen to what you have to say or did he just go on doing what he was doing because he knew that you would stay no matter what he did? That's a good example of someone who sees you as a doormat.

13 He Will Never Put You First, Even If You're The Only One In The Room

Now I feel like I need to put a disclaimer on this one: I don't think it's healthy to make your romantic relationship your number one priority at all times. We all have different things going on in our lives and it would be exceedingly unfair if your significant other asked you to make them your number one priority at all times. That being said, there are points in your life where you do need to prioritize your romantic relationship, and if someone isn't willing to do that, they might be thinking that you're a doormat. After all, they have never put you first, ever, for any reason, and you're still sticking around, so clearly that's something they can do without expecting any consequences. There's a difference between have well-balanced priorities and just being a jerk to your significant other.

12 He's Never Really Apologized To You And Thinks It's Funny When You Expect One

Have you ever received an apology? That's kind of a dumb question because most everyone has. However, if you've never received an apology from your significant other, that's a real problem. No one is perfect or infallible, so by that rule, everyone has done something to hurt someone else. This doesn't make everyone bad people: it just makes us human. If your guy just can't understand that, it might mean that he thinks he never does anything wrong, making him not just a jerk, but kind of delusional. This is even worse if you ask for an apology and he just thinks it's funny or ridiculous that you want one because, in his mind, you're the one who did something wrong.

11 He Puts Down Your Dreams And Goals

Have you ever shared your wildest dreams and loftiest goals with another person, even knowing that you might not actually do those things realistically? Being able to do that with another person is honestly one of the most freeing things to do: it's great to feel like someone understands you and talking about these things helps us better understand each other. However, if you've talked to your significant other about this and he just puts you down for having dreams, it's definitely a sign that he's a jerk, but if he's literally never listened to you talk about the things you want for your life, it could be a sign that he sees you as a doormat. After all, it's not like that's going to matter to either of you once he gets what he wants to done and you're basically along for the ride as his cheerleader. If he's ever made you feel this way, it might be a sign that you need to rethink the relationship.

10 You Don't Feel Challenged By Him

You don't exist in a relationship to push your man to be better and be his cheerleader: it's his job to push you to be a better person, too. You need someone in your life to be your cheerleader and support system just as much as he does, and you also need someone who's going to give you a good kick in the rear when he sees you slacking. That's kind of part of the whole deal with relationships as long as it's done with love. If your significant other has never even tried to be supportive of your goals and doesn't attempt to challenge you, it might be a sign that he sees you as a doormat. After all, he doesn't have to challenge someone that he plans on walking all over anyway.

9 You Feel Kind Of Stretched Too Thin And Small In Your Relationship

Does your relationship kind of feel like you're in a small room with a ton of tiny, fragile, breakable objects? Have you actually been in a room with a lot of small, breakable objects? It's kind of really stressful: you're constantly worried about shattering something and you're modifying your movements to make sure that doesn't happen. If your relationship feels this way, you probably feel like you're walking on eggshells, and that's not the way you should feel around someone you love. Sure, you shouldn't be an emotional 18-wheeler, but you shouldn't feel like you need to handle your significant other with surgical precision or else he'll leave. That's a huge way that someone could make you feel like a doormat: by making you feel like one wrong move will make him leave.

8 He Breaks Your Trust, Then Turns It Around On You

Has your significant other ever broken your trust? This is bad enough, but what happens when you deal with this breach of trust? Does your guy go out of his way to make sure you feel safe in your relationship again and tell you that he'll do anything to make this right? If he doesn't, what does he do? If he's ever made you feel like it's your fault and your actions made him do something, he's not just lying, he's engaging in a highly manipulative act known as gaslighting. Gaslighting is when you attempt to make someone second-guess the truth of a situation and even their own reality. While being gaslit, you might actually find yourself apologizing to him for his ruining your trust in him!

7 You've Changed Major Things About Yourself Because Of Him In An Unhealthy Way

Think back to the person you were before you got with this guy. What kind of a person was you? Were you more outgoing, more introverted? Did you have different hobbies than you do now? Do you have a different job or career than you do now? Do you not work at all because he doesn't want you to? These changes are all normal and even expected as we get older and more mature, but problems can and do start to arise if you're making those changes not because you want to, but because your significant other wants you to. That means that the changes aren't healthy: you're not doing things because you're growing and changing as a person, you're doing them because you're trying to become the person he wants you to be.

6 He Puts You Down, Even In Public

There's nothing wrong with a little ribbing in your relationship: my boyfriend will poke fun at my awful first-person-shooter gaming abilities and I'll do the same about the fact that I had to explain to him not two days ago who Rihanna is. The problem with this is when that playful ribbing devolves into actual insults. The line here? If you're not genuinely laughing at the “jokes” he's telling about you, he's over the line. This goes double if he's being mean enough to tell these “jokes” in public and getting others to laugh at you too. I'm calling them “jokes” even though they're not because that's how he'll justify what he's doing if he sees you as a doormat. If he's hurting you, it's not a joke and it isn't funny, and it has to go.

5 You're Uptight In Brand New Ways Because He's Preying On Your Old Insecurities

Everyone has insecurities, and that's okay. Our insecurities change over the years, but it takes a perfect person to not have any insecurities, and even the people we see as perfect can have deeply rooted ones that take years and professional help to deal with. This is why we want people who are going to be mindful of those insecurities and help us deal with them in our lives. If you feel like you're being treated like a doormat, that might be because your guy is preying on your old insecurities. He could be doing this in a really obvious way, or he can be subtly putting you down, but it's still the same behavior. On top of that, you might have brand new insecurities on top of the old ones because he keeps poking at them.

4 He Speaks Down To You

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like he's talking to you like you don't understand basic concepts? He might not be outright calling you stupid, but he doesn't have to be in order for you to feel like he doesn't value what you have to say. He could be explaining really simple concepts to you that everyone knows and he knows that you know, or doing something more insidious like acting like he knows more than you on a subject that you are educated in. This is why “mansplaining” is so annoying: it's when a man acts like he's the end all and be all of all knowledge and refuses to acknowledge that a woman might have something to offer. If your guy is acting like your IQ is ten to twenty points below what it actually is, he might see you as a doormat.

3 He Second Guesses Your Decisions And Is Surprised When You Stick To Your Guns

Have you ever noticed that whenever you announce a decision to him, any kind of decision, he treats it like something trivial? You could be announcing your intent to take a better paying job or to go back to school, and with just a few words he totally undercuts your decision and makes you second-guess yourself. Suddenly, the thing you were so excited about doing kind of gives you a bad taste in your mouth, and you wish that you'd never told him about it in the first place. To make matters worse, when you finally decide to stand up for yourself and what you want, you're treated like you're inconveniencing him, or worse, like you're out of line for not falling in line with what he thinks. If you didn't know better, it would feel like he was sabotaging you…

2 You Don't Feel Like An Equal

It might not feel like this at first, but at some point, you felt like you didn't deserve him, not because he's so good to you and his presence makes you a better person, but because you feel beneath him. For whatever reason, you feel like he's slumming it with you. While that's one way you might not feel like an equal, there are other ways, too. One way is if your guy isn't consulting you on decisions that affect you. Let's say you're about to move in together, but it honestly just feels like his place and not yours because he overrode every decision you had the ability to make, acting like his decisions were better. That's enough to make you feel like you don't have any power in your relationship, and such an imbalance of power spells trouble.

1 He's Straight Up Cheated On You And You Stayed

Let's get this straight now: if he cheated, it's not your fault. You didn't make him go out and cheat on you, and if he lied about it you didn't make him do that either. Additionally, it's totally up to you to decide whether to stay or go in a situation like that. Many people don't see cheating as a dealbreaker, but a lot of people do, and both of those feelings are valid. However, when a guy cheats and he gets to keep his relationship, he might see it as an excuse to continue the behavior. After all, he didn't lose anything the first time he cheated, so he now has carte blanche to do it again. He certainly doesn't, but if he's treating you like a doormat, he's probably not going to see it that way and he might even flaunt the cheating in front of you if he feels secure in the fact that you're not going to leave. If he's doing this, that's grounds to leave him, and while it'll be hard, it'll be worth it.