15 Signs You're Way Too Picky (And You'll Wind Up Alone)
Dating in 2017 is hard. It's a scary place out there, filled with awkward laughs, unanswered texts and the occasional "it's not you, it's me".
If you're consistently and actively putting yourself out there, then you already deserve a shining medal in my eyes, just for effort alone. I will tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel because ultimately dating is a numbers game, the more people you meet, the more likely you are to land on someone that you just 'click' with. If you're making an effort, it will pay off eventually. That's the good news. However, interestingly enough for some, this is sadly not the case.
Time after time, certain people find themselves stuck in a dead end and with no luck. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you're actively making the time to date and meeting lots of people, yet you still can't seem to make anything stick, there is a common denominator in that formula, and it's probably you. The good news - again - is, you can fix it! Because being stuck in a dating rut is usually just the result of having standards that are way too high, that basically, no real person can realistically meet.
If you're not certain if you fall into this category, here are a few of the tell-tale signs that your standards are too high, so you can finally start to adjust that bar and meet a real non-fantasy land human just like you.
15 You turn down decent guys for no reason
"He's just not my type" If I had 10 cents for every time I turned down a guy by saying that I'd be a rich woman. If you can say that truthfully than you know your standards are too high. When your turn down a decent person you should at least have a decent reason, for example, your values didn't align, he doesn't want to have kids, or he wears fedoras. Any good reason will do. If you're relying on a vague and ambivilent "he's not my type" line time after time this is a sure sign that you are relying on a fantasy to build your expectations. And that is dangerous because it becomes very easy to assume your fantasy is a reality. Find a good friend or family member to give you a good reality check because if you don't, you are going to find yourself alone very quickly.
14 You complain about how there are no good men left
Getting together with your girlfriends these days consists of a mutual waiving of a margarita glasses while bitching and moaning about how all the good guys are taken. You never thought your life would look like an episode of Sex and The City, but here you are. When your standards are too high, you tend to fall back on this excuse to justify your checklist to yourself. But if you took a minute to open up any dating app or social media platform you will see with your own two eyes that there are millions of eligible bachelors out there. I'll admit it though, the thought of wading through that massive pool of candidates is intimating for everyone. It is a lot emotional and physical work, but its fun. And all these apps are designed for specific users and lifestyles in mind. So, find one that fits you and get to work. Because, I have to say it, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
13 You can't remember the last time you had a second date
The last time you accepted to go out on a second date with a guy the iphone4 was the coolest new gadget on the market, and even he probably didn't even make it to date 3. One of the tell-tale signs of having high standards is that you have a track-record of rarely getting to relationships if any at all. That's because you don't give enough of a chance to guys and you judge them too quickly. If you're hoping to land a boyfriend or even a short-term fling, you have to give people the chance that you would want to be given to you. Because realistically, it's hard to get to really know someone over two cocktails and a walk to your apartment. Slow down and take your time, I know it's unnatural, but it will pay off in the end.
12 You feel lukewarm about every guy you meet
Most guys you meet just simply don't impress you. A guy is lucky if he even gets to make it to date #1. Most dudes strike you as basic and average, and that doesn't stoke your lady fires much. You always seem to be on the hunt for a snowflake, someone so incredibly unique and different. But, by keeping that up you are seriously narrowing down your options. And not to mention turning down the opportunity to meet cool guys who may have friends and family members who are right for you. With a little time, every guy has something unique and special, wether it's a trait that is external, or it's something a little deeper that needs time to reveal. You have to be patient and trust that everyone has an edge, it's your job to find it - or else - in the end, you will end up with no one.
11 You make decisions about guys based only on their social media
Your girlfriend energetically texts you "You have to check out this guys profile, he's perfect for you". You quickly thumb through his Instagram. Shamelessly judging everything from his choice of filters to his composition skills. "didn't this guy take one photography class" - you ask yourself. You write back to your girlfriend saying "Nah, he's not my type". Rince, wash, and repeat. If this scenario sounds familiar to you, chances are, your standards are too high. Not only are you judging someone solely on their appearance your also judging them by their online fantasy life. I get that we all do this to a degree, but if you never give any guy an IRL chance you will quickly find yourself alone, for a long time.
10 You have a laundry-list of dealbreakers
It's healthy to have some amount deal-breakers when considering a serious commitment to someone. For example, some people choose to only date non-smokers, people who don't drink, or people of similar religious background as them. However, if your deal breaker list is a scroll of superficial items then how the hell are you going to ever find somoene to fit into that very narrow cookie cutter mold. Because ultimately when you're years deep into your relationships and the masks have dropped, that stuff won't matter much to either of you anymore. I suggest you do a careful and brutually honest inventory of your deal breaker list, or else it's lonely town for you, my friend.
9 A relationship with you looks like a job description
Going on a date with you is like a formal job interview. Official title: My Boyfriend. The conversation is dry and robotic where you tend to do all the questions, and he does a lot of the talking. You sometimes interrupt with a judging "Hmm" when he gives you an answer that you don't want to hear. If this sounds like going on a date with you, then your standards might be too high. You have already have a clear idea of what you want in your head, in terms of their appearance, personality, profession, income, and character. You're quick to reject any guy who doesn't immediately fulfill your checklist. It's important to go into dating scene knowing what you want in terms of how serious of a relationship your looking for. But you're looking for a unicorn and no man can ever fill that fantasy.
8 The couples you look up to are movie characters
Everybody has gold-standard couples they admire. The Cadillac of couples. Whether its your parents or friends - similar to how we look up to some people - there are couples who just seem to be perfect for each other in every way and always make it work no matter what. A clue into knowing if your standards are too high is that the only couples you really admire are fictional ones from TV or movies. It's dangerous to model real life after TV and movies because, well, it's intentionally made to entertain and satisfy audiences. Fictional couples can go through tough times, but the way that they cope and make up is enhanced and manipulated to make you go "awwww, I want that too". It's nice to sit back and be entertained, But try not to make these cartoon couples the template for all your relationships
7 All your 'musts' focus on the physical
Don't get me wrong, I like to stare at a rippling six pack as much as the next girl, but if that's the only thing your judging a guy on then you are very likely going to be picking guys who won't necessarily be compatible in the long run. Like I said, it's ok to have a certain level of standards, no one is asking you to date someone you find repulsive. But if you're judging a guy solely on his muscle tone and jawline you will not get far in the relationships department. Also, when we go for guys only because they fit our physical type, we fall into a trap where we automatically think that this means they are also a good emotional fit for us. Slow down, and get to know the man behind the brawn. He's a real person too, not just some arm candy for you to show off to your girlfriends.
6 You only care about how cute you look together
When you're in the initial phases talking with someone you have this repeat fantasy in your head of how good you two would look rolling up to your family's wedding next summer or how cute your Instagram pics are going to be when you take your first vacation together. If you catch yourself having these fantasies, then your standards are probably too high. The worse part is this leads you to do controlling things in relationships like, tell your man what to wear or how to style his hair, because you want him to fit the fantasy life that you already built in your head. Remeber that two people who truly love each other are always cute and that will be obvious to everyone around you. Don't focus so much on how you look together, focus on him as a person, only then will you start down the path to finding something real.
5 You can't remember much about your ex's personality
When you think back on your earlier relationships you have a hard time pinpointing the key personality traits or any interests of your ex's. What made them genuinely happy? How would they react in any given situation? What kind of person were they? Did they even have a personality? Wait - was this guy just a mirage all along?! It's all kind of a blur of sturdy shoulders, luscious hair, and a handsome smile because that's the only thing you focused on while you were together. Well, you did know what he did for a living, but that's just because it fits into your "profession" checkbox as well. Keep this up and down the line, you won't have any future boyfriends to forget about. It's up to you girlfriend!
4 You're only looking for that crazy puppy love feeling
Ah, the butterflies and electric energy of puppy love. You're reduced to a babbling toddler unable to concentrate on anything and make the simplest of decisions because they are constantly popping into your mind at the most inconvenient time. It's all very sweet and romantic, but if this is the only feeling your chasing than most likely your standards are too high. I am not going to lie, this feeling is great, and when you first sense that tingle it can send you into a drug-like frenzy. But if your goal is to find someone for life, this should not be the only feeling you search for. Puppy love is always temporary and like any high, it fades with time. Perpetually searching for this ephemeral rush will only lead to a lot of crying to your girlfriends and late night cuddling with your pillows feeling sorry for yourself. Search for something more secure and comfortable, then you know you have something to hold onto.
3 You only chase guys that are your 'type'
Being a woman with high standards means that you have a 'meh' reaction to most men that breath in your general direction. Your average guy barely keeps your attention. As a result, you almost never find yourself actually chasing after anyone. Because it's rare to find a guy that makes you feel anything more than a twinge of curiosity. However, when and if you do come across the rare dude who fills you checklists, you will at the speed of lightening unleash your kung-fu grip to make sure he does not under any circumstance leave your sight. If you rarely have the desire to chase after anyone, your standards are probably too high. But putting someone on a pedestal is a sure way to get them to run for the hills. That kind of pressure is a lot for a guy to take, and he will be scrambling to get out of your grip before you know it.
2 You expect him to have the same interests as you
When your dating someone new it's nice to find common ground with them, especially when it comes to things like music, hobbies, and TV. But when your standards are too high you tend to consistently blow good dudes off if they don't have the same interests as you. It's as if you need them to be so much like you that you want to merge with him to create this super-human version of yourself. But to be honest, that can get really boring over time. If you like all the same thing, you never expose yourself to anything new or different. Those are the things that are going to keep your relationship spicy and exciting down the line. If you want to adjust your standards and be realistic, start by giving guys who have different interests than you a chance. Your so focused on that guy who so special and different, right? Then why do you insist that he be so much like you then. Give this a good long think or else your solo days will continue.
1 You're always daydreaming about your "perfect" guy
Your fantasy guy has been in your head since your pre-teen pop-star crush. You've always loved building these bubbly fantasy lands in your head that you can run away too. There is nothing wrong with that if you grounded enough to realize that these are just fantasies, not reality. You will find a guy one day, but if your banking on him being exactly like your trophy fantasy guy, then you're making the already tough game of dating a lot harder for yourself. That's because real humans have flaws, rough edges, and imperfections, but that's what makes people so unique, special and fun to get to know. Since your so focused on finding that guy who is different and special then why not start by breaking outside the fantasy a little bit. Trust me, You will be surprised.