15 Signs You're Definitely Falling For Him (But He Doesn't Feel The Same)
When we think of falling for someone we get hit with this strong negative vibe. Don't get too close, it may end terribly! But that's not because being in love is bad, it's quite the opposite! We all know and agree, that being in love is an incredible and life-changing experience. And most people are open and happy to receive that feeling when it's mutual.
Falling for someone is bad because when it happens, you also think about how whoever your feelings are aimed at, well - they aren't returning your feelings. It's like you're standing out alone in an open field with a ball and mitt in hand and no one to play with.
Falling for someone or 'catching the feels' manifests similarly to a physical sickness; your body and mind feel ill because deep down you know that those emotions are not being returned.
All of these feelings can be messy and confusing, so it's normal if you're not sure how to interpret them. Here are some helpful tips though. Read on to explore some of the classic signs that you've come down with a case of the feels, but he doesn't feel the same way.
15 You step up your effort game, and he keeps falling behind
When you get ready for a date or just a hang at his place, you bring your A-game, each time. This is obvious and standard behavior when you're starting to catch the feels, wanting to show your best self comes naturally. On the other hand, you've noticed that he's starting to let himself loose a little. Basically doing the opposite of what you are. Some typical signs include: not showering, brushing his teeth, combing his hair, cleaning his room, or just a general lack of effort to maintain a certain level of appearance. When you start to notice this, you have two options, either dial back your effort - only give him as much as he gives you - or, you can just end it all together because the harsh reality is a guy is only as good as the effort he puts in. No effort, no feels.
14 You're always the first to text, and he takes his sweet time to text back
Communication in relationships should always be like a tennis game, or ping-pong, or badminton, you get it - the ball has the passed back and forth. In other words, if you notice that you're doing all the ball passing, then something is off. A natural product of catching the feels for someone is the desire to always reach out to them - because they are naturally on your mind all the time. But when you find yourself repeatedly being the one to text first, that's is a huge red flag that your feelings are not mutual. In this case, I would take a step back - just to test the waters. If you notice that there is no reciprocation on his end, then swim on to the next guy my friend. Because if a guy can't even find the time to initiate a virtual conversation every so often, how much IRL effort do you think he'll make? That's right, none.
13 You try to get his attention, but it's becoming harder to keep it
Girls love attention. It makes us feel desired, sexy, and attractive - all those good things in life. Guys inherently know this and shower women they want to impress with attention. These days, it can come in many forms, such as texting, snapping, liking, or even calling. When you catch feelings for someone it's normal to feel an impulse to send energy their way; let someone know you've been thinking about them. However, when a guy is not feeling the same way, he will act lukewarm or even cold to that attention, and most importantly, will rarely reciprocate. If there is a serious imbalance of energy then you need to seriously reconsider whether this person is a good fit for you. Before you know it, you may find yourself totally depleted - that's not a good feeling, for anyone.
12 You over think and over analyze his every move, he takes everything at face value
What do you think he means by that? What is going through his head? Why did he do that? Does he ever even think of me at all!? You know you've come down with a bad case of the feels when these questions are running through your pretty little head. Having these thoughts buzz through your brain all day is one of those side-effects that hurts so good. It drives you crazy, but kinda in a good way. The thing is, when you're around him you can't help but notice he is suspiciously apathetic, or when he texts you back the replies are frustratingly aloof and blunt. If your gut is telling you that he's just not putting the same thought and effort in as you, then listen to that gurgle in the pit of your belly because it's usually dead on.
11 You feel the need to talk about your feelings, he runs from them
"So what are we doing?" The scariest five words in the English language - known to scare away even the strongest and toughest full-grown men. Putting a label on relationships can be scary for everyone, even those who think they are ready. It's a huge step. However, when we start to catch the feels for someone, even if it's just a little bit, it's normal that the thought of a possible future or evolution of your relationships crosses your mind. Not only will the thoughts cross your mind but you want to share them with your special someone. Ever heard people say "I'm so in love, I just want to shout it from the mountaintops." It's cheesy, but when you really like someone that's a universal urge. So, if you're dude runs away like a whiny toddler or gives you the brush off anytime you bring up the subject, then it might be time to move along to the next one.
10 You tone down on the partying, but he's going full force
Dialing back on partying is a typical side-effect of catching the feels. I am not saying that it means you want to cut socializing out altogether, but when we meet someone special we have less of an urge to go get tipsy and flirt with attractive strangers at a five-night-a-week minimum. It's just a universal truth. When this desire is not mutual, it's a sure sign that the feelings that lie below aren't shared either. If you notice the guy you're into is still gung-ho on keeping up his party game, or worse, he'd rather spend his Friday and Saturday nights at the bar than with you - then it's clear as water that he doesn't feel the same. This behavior is very easy to track if you're connected to someones social media; you can monitor their every move. So, if you notice this, better to move on quickly before it's too late.
9 You remember small things he told you in passing, he always forgets
When we really like someone we develop this laser focus and robot-like attention when we are around them. You absorb - almost unconsciously - all the little details of their body, facial movements, and mannerisms. You will also remember every story they tell you down to the grainiest of details. It's a beautiful thing. And it's even more beautiful when the feeling is shared. That is what you should be striving for! However, sometimes, we find ourselves stuck in an unrequited love situation. It sucks, but it's a part of life. And a sure sign of this is when a guy can't seem to remember for the life of him anything important about you. You told him all the basic details of your life, repeatedly - and he STILL can't seem to recall the name of your sister, let alone that you even have a sister! If this sounds familiar to you, cut your losses and move on to someone who will pay attention to what you have to say, because everyone deserves that.
8 You try to make plans for the weekend, but he can barely commit to plans for the evening
A tell-tale sign of catching the feels is a dizzying desire to make future plans with someone. The minimum, fantasizing about those plans in your mind. On the other hand, a sure sign that your feelings are not being returned is the classic brush off and full avoiding of any conversation regarding plans that are more than 24-hours in advance. If someone has a hard time committing to a plan for the weekend, then you have your answer. I know our generation is very last minute and spontaneous with plans in general, but when you really like someone you always have a strong urge to reserve prime nights for them, even if every so often. If he can't step up his game and make sure to let you know that he is prioritizing his time for you, then you shouldn't be prioritizing yours for him.
7 You'd like to go on actual dates, but he prefers to send you a "wyd" when it's convenient
"WYD", "SUP", " YOU UP", "insert lame lackluster emoji" - all of these are examples of guys who have only one thing on their mind. I'm sure you know this by now, though - it's not rocket science. If you feel the same way about them, great! Have yourself some sexy fun. The thing is when your feelings are stronger, a desire to spend some actual time with this person will take over you. You will ask them out to do an activity or to eat some food. On the other end, they will hit you back with a "maybe" or any similar and frustratingly vague and ambiguous brush off - only to reappear late at night or when it's convenient for them. Most likely on one of those off weeknights, no one really cares about - like a Tuesday. If you don't want to be a Tuesday night girl, speak up. Or move on to find the guy who will make you his Friday night lady.
6 You take it easy on the swiping and liking, but he keeps it up
When you meet someone you find particularly special this weird thing starts to happen where you find yourself only having eyes for them. Yes, cupids bow has hit you hard when the apple of your eye seems to be the only thing you pay close attention to these days. That's just how we're wired as human, I guess. That feature helped us make lots of babies back when in our hairy buck-tooth caveman days. However, as you're finding your eyes staying fixed on your prize of a guy - you can't help but notice - his eyes are wandering more than ever. Whether in the real world or across all digital platforms, if a guy is not really feeling you, he will continue - and maybe even put more effort into his shameless online flirting game. If you notice this, better to cut your losses quick - and move on. Because looks like he doesn't quite feel the same.
5 You've told your friend and fam about him, but his don't know you exist
Your friends already have a nickname for him, that's how much you talk about him. He doesn't know, of course. That would just be totally embarrassing. But that's because deep down you know that he hasn't told his friend or family about you, and you don't want to admit to the possible harsh reality that you're feeling might not be mutual. When a guy is into you - he might not introduce you to everyone in his life right away - but he will surely start to tell his close friends about you. If you bump into one of his friends in the street and they have no clue who you are, then a big red flag is being waved right in front of your face. Red flags are actually a blessing, they prevent us from getting too hurt down the line, so don't be the girl that's too oblivious to notice it.
4 You turn to Google to decrypt his behavior, he doesn't even notice yours
Turning to Google for an unbiased opinion of someone's behavior is when you know that you've hit rock bottom. Catching the feels can send you spiraling down to some pretty shameful places. We've all been there. Whatever you're Googling, though - is a total waste of time because the person obviously doesn't feel the same way. Don't believe me? If they did feel the same, wouldn't you think they would actually be texting you? Rather than you frantically Googling reasons why they are NOT texting you? Constantly doubting your own behavior this is usually a strong sign that the feels aren't mutual. If you sense those feelings bubble up, better to take a step back and have a real honest look at your situations before you keep wasting your time away on Google.
3 You're always complaining to your girls about him, but he's just kicking back with his boys
You can tell a lot about a relationship by how often someone complains about the other person. You may have caught the feels, but when it's not mutual you will often find yourself complaining to your girlfriends about something that's lacking in your relationship. That lack of special something will manifest differently depending on the situation, but the same issue is underpinning it. The fundamental problem is he doesn't feel the same. That's why you are always turning to your friend for reassurance and validation. Whereas, on his end, he is chilling and kicking back with the boys without a worry - only fueling your confusion and reassurance-seeking behavior even more. It's toxic and vicious cycle to find yourself in, the sooner you notice, the better. Get yourself out before it's too late!
2 You want to get breakfast and spend the day, but he has "stuff to do"
This behavior can come up early in a relationship or can appear later on - as a subtle warning sign that feeling may be diminishing. This isn't necessarily about breakfast alone - because sometimes we just need to eat - getting pancakes together doesn't mean he wants to put a ring on it. But when you have feelings for someone that extend beyond just loving their body this comes with a desire to actually spend time with them outside of the bed. Whether it's kicking back and watching a movie or just going for a walk together, a universal sign of catching the feels is the constant and pressing desire to be around someone. Naked or not. When a guy doesn't feel that way about you, he will make sure to only try and see you when it's a pants-free situation.
1 You feel like you want to get to know him, but he rarely opens up
When you like someone, this overwhelming desire to get to know them and share yourself takes over you. All your childhood stories, fears, good news, and worries will want to come bursting out. For example, I was casually dating this guy once - the kind of relationship where communication mostly consists of funny memes or music - you know, really light and easy stuff. One day, though, I got really good news at work and I just wanted to share because I thought he cared about me, even just a little. Well, I thought wrong. He totally ignored my message and didn't respond for hours, and when he finally did it was short and dry - in other words, he didn't GAF. What this means for you, if someone shows you that they don't care to hear about your life, this might just be the big wake up call you need to move on.