15 Signs He Is Definitely Not Ready To Settle Down

Settling down is a vague term. When I refer to the notion of settling down, I am referring to the idea of engagement or marriage… not just a relationship. Now more than ever, men are saying “I do” later and later in life. Blame the hookup culture or dating apps, men are no longer committing to forever until they are 100 percent sure that they have found their person, which is not the worst thing in the world. Certain men also believe engagement and marriage are the beginning of the end of their life, and they want to hold on to any bit of freedom that they have left. They are who we refer to them as commitment-phobes. And if you push them, they will probably run for the hills. There are certain behaviors that a man will display when he is just not ready to take the next steps. Here are 15 things that you should look out for if you want a ring in the distance future

15 He refuses to move in with you

He is holding on to the bachelor pad for dear life, no matter how many times you have asked him when you two are moving in together. He, for some reason, is hesitant about giving up his own space and personal freedom. He will make excuse after excuse as to why he keeps putting it off. One minute it's that he "can't get out of his lease." The next, he has "yet to find someone to sell his furniture to and he can't just leave it there." Whatever the lame excuse may be, he will throw any reason as to why he can't pack his bags and cohabitate with you. A man who isn't willing to give up his solo apartment is a man not ready to settle down with you. Of course, that is a huge step for anyone. If he is down to share his life with you, he will be down to live together.

14 He won't even breathe the word “engagement”

He has never even brought the term up and when you mention it, he gets real uncomfortable real quick. He pays no attention to your Pinterest board filled with engagement rings because he is just not willing to put one on your finger yet. He doesn't get emotional at weddings when you are bawling your eyes out, and he looks more disappointed than happy for one of his boys when they make the commitment. A guy like this is either just not there yet, or he isn't interested in the idea of engagement at all. Watch his reactions when you mention it. The man who is serious about settling down will have no problem talking about it, in fact, he will encourage it! He will even ask you about what cut and size you would want. That is a man who wants to be your forever.

13 If you two ARE engaged, he will put wedding plans off like no other

You two are engaged and you are floating on cloud nine. However, he keeps putting off wedding dates. First it is next year, then it is in two years. Why? You would expect the guy who proposes to be the same guy who is ready for marriage, but that is just not the case sometimes. Sometimes, guys cave. Sometimes, they do it because of societal pressure. Or pressure from their girlfriends. He refuses to come to the tastings and meeting the wedding planner or refuses to partake in any wedding planning in general. Whatever the case may be, engagement may be very different in his eyes. There is still a way out in an engagement. Leaving a marriage is much more difficult, and the thought of that might freak him out. If he proposed just to shut you up, you have a problem. Is your relationship really any that different? Or did he propose just to say he has?

12 He only took the next step because you gave him an ultimatum

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You know what is worse than pressuring your man to take leaps that he wasn't ready to take? Ultimatums. In my eyes, it is the absolute worst thing you can do to a man. Men do not do well with them. They like choices, and they hate more than anything to feel trapped. By giving him an ultimatum, you are making him choose losing you or choose doing something that he really does not want to do. Which one do you think he is going to choose? If he really loves you, he will choose you of course… but at what price? He may resent you for the rest of your life, and you do not want that. A man who wants to settle down will just settle down, no pressure or ultimatums are needed. He may even believe that it is the right thing for him to do at first, but it is pretty likely that he will realize that he made a decision that he didn't feel comfortable making in the first place, and that is never good news for a relationship.

11 He has a very hard time committing to distant future plans

A guy who is ready to settle down has no issue making plans with you for next year, the year after that, and the year after that. He has no intent on leaving you any time soon because he is in it for the long haul. The guy who doesn't plan to stay for a while or is unsure will be quite uncomfortable making such plans. He knows that if he commits to something this far in advance, he is stuck. He is stuck with you and stuck in the relationship for the long haul. And trust me, the last thing that this kind of guy wants is to feel stuck - like I mentioned before. Always watch for body language and nonverbal cues. If he tenses up as soon as you start discussing future plans that you have for the two of you, you should take that into consideration when evaluating your relationship and where it is headed.

10 He doesn't bring up kids, ever

He would rather gauge his eyes out than discuss having a baby. He will either laugh it off, exit the room, or stop paying attention to you all together. He understands that having a child and settling down go hand in hand, and he can't say for sure if he wants to take the plunge into that chapter of his life just yet. Sure, some people just simply do not want children, and there is nothing wrong with that! If you two have discussed and explored that topic sufficiently, then there is nothing to worry about. However, if you see this guy as your forever, kids and all, and he flinches at the very thought of changing a diaper… that is quite problematic. The guy that not only has no problem talking about having children and is excited about the idea is the guy that will stick around long enough for you two to have one together.

9 He doesn't dare discuss sharing finances

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He refuses to share a credit card with you or his bank statements. He has no interest in discussing creating a savings account with you. He keeps his financial life completely separate from your relationship. You have no idea how much money he makes. You have no idea what his assets are or how much stock he owns. Why does this matter? I'll tell you why. When two people start to morph their lives into one, sharing finances is brought to the table for discussion. Settling down is about building a life together, not separately. There will be talks about sharing costs of the bills, planning for retirement, so on and so forth. All of that are signs that someone is planning a future with you. like it or not, this is vital in order for a relationship to move onward and upward onto the pathway of marriage. You will have to share each other's money when you two say I do.

8 His career is still not stable

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He often mentions the possibility of him moving away for his job. Sure, couples move together all of the time, but when he brings it up - he fails to include you in the plan. He won't ask for your opinion or if you would be open to leaving with him. He won't ask where you would like to live long-term. This should make you wonder - what are his priorities? You or a job? Of course, you can have a career and a serious relationship… but if he had to choose, he would choose the latter. A man who sees a long-term future with you would have you included in the conversation of possible relocation, no question! He would leave you and the relationship behind because he feels it is best for him. He is selfish like that, he won't even think twice about it. On the other hand, the selfless man is the man who is willing to make sacrifices and take the next step with you.

7 He hates the suburbs

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He can never even think about leaving city life to suburbia. Mini-vans make him nauseous. He hates the idea of a little league or PTA. Again, if you two are on the same page about this - great! You two can be city dwellers for eternity. But there is something to be said here. Suburbia is usually symbolic of adulthood and parenthood. It is just what people do. You get married and move to the burbs. The burbs are just a better and safer place to raise children and settle down - everyone knows this! When a couple is thinking about becoming married and being children, potential future neighborhoods are being discussed. School districts are being discussed. Costs of houses are being discussed. You both know that you are committed to a life like this together. If your boyfriend hates the thought of a white picket fence, it probably just scares him sh*tless.

6 He has a negative reaction to friends and family bringing up the future of your relationship

He cannot stand it when people ask when you two are going to take the next step, whether it be living together, getting engaged, or get married. Once it is mentioned, he is mentally checked out or annoyed. His reactions to you about these steps are no different than the reactions that he has to other people. All of the above topics are just painful for him no matter who is asking. He especially despises it when the parents start to nag, for it is usually never-ending and quite consistent. This is exactly the kind of pressure the commitment-phobic dude wants to avoid. Again, watch him and his mannerisms once these things are being brought up. Does he get frustrated, or does he welcome the conversation with ease? If he refuses to give even his mother an answer to these questions, he is most definitely not quite ready. Beware of this.

5 He does the bare minimum when trying to get to know your parents

Speaking of parents, he does the very least to appease to yours. He may bring your mom flowers for her birthday, but has no interest in getting to know her further. He may discuss the stock market with your father at Christmas dinner, but he doesn't care to spend the day playing golf with him. It is great if he is polite - but it should be a little weird to you if he has no intention on bonding with them in any way, shape, or form. A man that is ready to settle down knows and comprehends that your parents come with you and they will be a part of your life as well as his for a very long time. It just makes life easier when you get along and are close to the in-laws. Conversely, the man who isn't planning on sticking around for next year, or next month will make no attempt at connecting with them on a deeper level. Why waste his time and breath when he knows that he just is not ready to be a part of your family?

4 He has a serious fear of divorce

The thought of divorce terrifies him more than the thought of marriage. He constantly brings up how high the divorce rates are and how often it happens nowadays. He may have come from a broken home and because of that has serious hesitations about tying the knot. I can relate to this - the thought of being married isn't what scares me, it is the potential to get divorced. Then again, I am not ready at ALL! So, if you are ready to marry your guy and he has these thoughts and reservations - he is probably not going to get down on one knee any time soon. Whether it be time, therapy, or both… he will need to make amends with these fears before taking any further steps in the relationship. It will be better for both of you in the long run - IF you are willing to wait for him to sort it through.

3 There have been a lot of bumps in the road

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He has had a lot of reservations about being together to begin with. It took a lot of effort for you to lock this one down and convince him that relationships are in fact, a good thing. You may have had to show him all of the good that can come out of it and may have had to be very patient with him. Side note: you should never have to convince a man of how good it will be to be with you. I would never partake in such activities. I have no patience for it. Nonetheless, it is like that sometimes. Ah, the things we do for love. If this is the case, don't expect him to rush into an engagement or marriage. It will probably take him twice as long to make a serious commitment to you like this as it did for him to want to be in a relationship with you in the first place.

2 He cheated… more than once

Look, if you forgave him more than once for cheating: you are either dumb as rocks or the modern-day Mother Teresa. To each their own, I suppose. Nonetheless, I do believe that people have the ability to change. If he has shown you that he is different and he has been faithful and perfect since, hoorah! However, a cheater USUALLY isn't ready to settle down… which is probably why he cheated in the first place. He was clearly not ready to even be a one-woman show. It was a bit of a struggle for him to even be with you and only you; so I'm guessing that putting a ring on your finger will be just as much as a struggle for him - if not more. This is a man who has a hard time with monogamy in general let alone marriage and children. Up to you what you want to do with that situation.

1 He has made it clear

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He has made it very clear that he's just not ready. He's not ready for engagement, marriage, or kids. He loves you, but he just isn't there. He may want to spend forever with you, but not yet. It could be bad timing. it could be immaturity. Whatever the case may be, it would be in your best interest to listen if he is telling you as it is as clear as day. Don't convince yourself that he will come around. He might come around, but just not anywhere in the near distant future. That is just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. Often times as women, we try to change a man. We try to convince them of things that they don't believe in. We give them ultimatums in hopes that they will live up to the challenge. Don't be that girl. There are plenty of men who are ready for what you are ready for RIGHT now.