15 Real Things Guys Have Said (Or Done) To Girls… And They Stayed

Once we're mature enough to understand relationships, we realize that some relationships are inherently unhealthy or abusive. However, we don't always understand the signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship. We tend to think that abuse is when someone physically hurts another person and we'd be right about that. However, there are other, more sinister signs of abuse that show up in other ways. These signs show up in emotionally and mentally manipulative ways that can do a major number on a person's self-esteem. That being said, many people often don't realize when an action is abusive, not because they have misconceptions about what abusive entails, but because they don't believe that someone they love could do that to them.

While we can pinpoint things that specific people have said to put down the women in their lives, that's not the important part of the conversation. The important thing is knowing the signs of emotional abuse and realizing that it could happen to anyone, even you. Some signs of emotional abuse are small, maybe even harmless on their own. However, there are other abusive things that people do or say that is indicative of a real problem or even a warning sign for future violent behavior. Here are fifteen things that many women have been told by their SO in a relationship and why women often stay anyway.

15 "I Looked Through His Phone While He Was In The Shower And Saw That He Texted Another Girl That She Was Prettier Than Me"

This is one of those relationship problems that developed with the advent of new technology and social media, but this can destroy relationships all the same. While it's considered bad form to look through someone's phone, it's even worse form to bad-mouth your significant other in secret. Depending on the relationship, this might not be a big deal or it can be a hill to die on. Either way, it's a really terrible thing to do, in part because it erodes trust and messes with a woman's self-esteem. That being said, while many women will break up with someone who did this to them, many others stay for a variety of reasons. If a guy is partaking in other forms of emotional abuse, then gets caught doing this, a woman might stay with him because she thinks she can't do any better. After all, if someone who loves her thinks she isn't as pretty as the next girl, what chance does she have of finding someone new?

14 "Whenever I Cry, Instead Of Comforting Me, He Encourages Me To Question Whether I Should Go See A Therapist"

When you're emotional, does the man in your life support you through it, or does he treat you like what's happening isn't really happening to you, you're imagining it, and you're legitimately crazy? If he's doing the second thing, he's gaslighting you. Gaslighting is an emotional abuse tactic that involves overwriting someone else's reality. This is actually the core reason why women stay in terrible relationships: they think they're wrong for having the doubts or concerns that they do, but they're not wrong at all. They've just been convinced that the truth of their situation isn't the truth by men who want them to stay in relationships with them. They do this by acting like the woman is crazy, sometimes even pledging to help them get through their struggles with their mental health that don't actually exist. There are many ways to gaslight someone, and we've talked a lot about those ways throughout this list.

13 "When I Don't Want To Do Something He Likes In The Bedroom, He Compares Me To His Ex Gf And Says That 'She Liked To Do That'"

Let's say this now: anyone who manipulates you into doing something sexually that you're uncomfortable with is in the wrong. That being said, many people do it, and many people will also fall right into this. Guys who say this care more about getting off than your feelings, so they won't feel bad about manipulating you into doing something that you're not into or even genuinely scared of. Some people will even compare you to their past relationships and make you seem like a prude for setting a boundary you don't want to be crossed. They'll even try and act like that act is a hill to die on for them and if you don't do the thing they want, they'll break up with you.

12 "When I Assert My Expectations Of Him, He Calls Me 'Crazy' Or 'Stupid'"

Another thing that emotionally manipulative guys like to do is throw around the word "crazy" like it's confetti. When you approach the guy you're dating (or are married to) and tell them what you expect of them, does he listen to what you have to say and take it to heart, or does he go out of his way to act like your expectations are totally unreasonable? Does he call you crazy for having expectations of him, or worse, even bringing those expectations up? Does he call your expectations stupid or call you stupid for even thinking them? He's doing those things to try and convince you to let him do whatever he wants without considering what it is you want for yourself.

11 "In Front Of His Friends Or Family Members, He Undermines Me For No Reason"

Does your guy treat you a certain way when you're alone, only to totally tear you down and make fun of you in front of others? This in itself is enough to drive most women crazy. After all, how can someone who is capable of treating you so well be capable of treating you so horribly around people he cares about? This is a pretty common thing for guys with self-confidence and self-esteem issues: they feel bad about themselves and want to hide that from others, so they project their issues onto you, a person that loves them and wants them to succeed, because you're an easy target to project those issues onto. This isn't because of you, by the way. It's because the guy knows that his friends and family know him better than they know you and doing that to you is easier than confronting his own issues. Either way, you're better than dealing with that.

10 "He Just Loves To Play The Victim Card. If I Bring Something Up, He'll Talk About How Hard It Is At Work For Him"

Another tactic that guys use to get out of taking responsibility for their actions is to act like what they have going on is so much worse and they can't possibly stoop to care about what you have to say about something trivial. Let's say the man in your life hurts you in some way, and you decide to bring up the situation so the two of you can discuss it in a mature way. However, when you bring it up, he immediately freaks out, going on and on about something else and how everything is falling apart for him, and he just doesn't need you stressing him out any more than he already is. This is a pretty terrible way to deal with life in general, let alone a mature relationship, and if a guy makes this a habit then you totally have grounds to leave him. However, many women end up staying because they feel like once he gets his life together, things will be better. However, a man with a victim complex will always have it no matter how good his life is going.

9 "Once We Got Into A Heated Argument And He Punched The Wall Right Next To Wear My Head Was. He Left A Hole In The Sheetrock"

While hitting walls and objects isn't in itself a sign that someone is going to escalate their abusive tactics to hurting another person physically, it's definitely a red flag worth looking out for. Unfortunately, many women don't, and the resulting situation ends up looking a lot like the story of the frog in a boiling pot of water. The temperature gets turned up slowly, and before the frog in the pot knows he's being boiled alive, he's dead. Abuse is a lot like that. You might find yourself dismissing punching walls as something small or something he'll grow out of, and before you know it, he's trying to physically harm you. If a man is hitting things near you, towards you, or throwing things at you to express his anger, that's not healthy and the situation is way more dangerous than you probably think it is. If he makes moves like he's going to hit you but stops himself right before, it's a huge sign that he might end up hitting you down the road.

8 "I Caught Him Swiping On Tinder At The Dinner Table On Thanksgiving"

Swiping on Tinder in a relationship that doesn't allow for that is cheating, full stop. However, it takes particular gumption to swipe on Tinder at the dinner table on Thanksgiving with your girlfriend or wife sitting right next to you. That's not just cheating, that's the guy not respecting you enough to even hide the fact that he's cheating on you. Sadly, even this is something some women are more comfortable explaining away and sticking around for. They might feel like they've invested too much into the relationship to leave now, even when he's actively cheating. If you feel this way, you're falling for what's called the sunk-cost fallacy.

The sunk-cost fallacy is the idea that you can't walk away from something because of all the time you invested in it. Walking away from something you put a ton of time into would be like admitting all of that time was a waste. That couldn't be further from the truth. If the man in your life is cheating on you and you don't feel like you can live with that, you can and should leave because that relationship isn't worth sinking more time into.

7 "He Was Always Giving Me The Silent Treatment Instead Of Having An Important Conversation"

One thing that can serve to drive even the strongest person crazy is the silent treatment. It's really frustrating to be constantly trying to bridge the gap between yourself and another person, only to be hit with a mental and emotional wall. To make things worse, no matter how many times you try and knock that wall down, it stays up and communication ends up at a standstill. The silent treatment is a tool emotionally controlling people like to use in order to try and force a reaction out of someone. When that reaction happens, the guy doing it can then use the reaction to make you think that you're crazy. Some people also do it to avoid having conversations that need having, but emotionally manipulative people will use the reaction to the silent treatment to justify not having the conversation in the first place.

6 "He Constantly Turns The Problem Around On Me"

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you knew you had a problem with them, only to confront them and end up apologizing to them, not realizing how it is that you got there? This is a classic thing emotionally manipulative people do in order to get their way. The guy knows he did something bad, but doesn't want to be confronted with their behavior. So they take your problem, turn the whole situation around on you, and make their behavior seem like their fault. Some guys will even go so far as to blame you for their behavior and demand an apology from you for making them behave badly towards you. It's all very frustrating, but many people will stay in relationships like that regardless of how they're being treated.

5 "He Revealed A Really Personal Experience Of Mine Publicly And Embarrassed Me So Much"

Sometimes the people that we trust with our deepest secrets are the ones we really shouldn't be talking to about them. It's a hard lesson to learn, and unfortunately, it's one of the ones we have to learn through painful experience. Many people have found themselves in the awkward situation of being confronted with a painful secret being revealed by someone they're dating that promised not to tell anyone. Some guys who do this end up doing it by accident and apologize immediately, making it their business to make the situation right. However, emotional manipulators might do this on purpose to keep you in line and compliant with them. If you're afraid that they're going to tell the world about really personal things of yours, you might stay with them even if the relationship is unhealthy.

4 "Whenever We Get Into A Fight, He Withholds His Affection Towards Me As Punishment"

Withholding affection is different from giving the silent treatment because you can actually withhold affection even while carrying on a normal conversation. This is why this tactic can be so hard to detect. Guys who do this to punish their girlfriends or wives can do everything the same as they did before the fight, even treating them more or less the same. The problem is that the affection and love that looked like it was there before is totally gone now. The women experiencing this doesn't know what's wrong, especially if the fight was resolved, they just know that the man in their life is pulling away from them. Then when she confronts the situation, the man resorts to telling her that she's imagining the situation and he's not treating her any differently, even though it's very clear that he is. It's a vicious thing to do to someone that you claim to love

3 "I Finally Got Evidence That He Was Hooking Up With My Best Friend Behind My Back. He Never Would Admit It"

Swiping on Tinder is one thing, but hooking up with a friend of yours is quite another. That means that you've experienced betrayal not just from the man in your life, but from a friend that you trusted. Some women stay through even this, convinced that the evidence they found isn't enough to prove what actually happened or that the man who did it can change. Some women even stay because they don't want to throw away a friendship with the person their boyfriend or husband cheated with. If you have evidence that your boyfriend or husband is hooking up with your friend, neither of them are worth keeping in your life, no matter how much they previously meant to you. You would be right to cut them out of your life: being single is much better than keeping people in your life that you can't trust.

2 "He Often Tells Me That I'm Too Sensitive"

Constantly telling someone that they're too sensitive is a great way to invalidate someone's feelings, and it's a basic tool in any emotional manipulator's handbook. The guys who will use this tactic on someone are the ones who don't want you standing up to them or pointing out how they've hurt you. Telling you that you're too sensitive enough times might make you start to think that maybe you are being too sensitive. Maybe the thing you're upset about doesn't really matter after all, so why should you bother others about it even though it really upsets you? Many people in unhealthy relationships will stay in those relationships specifically because they feel like they're being too sensitive. It's a really terrible cycle.

1 "It Almost Seems Like He Enjoys Disagreeing With Me For No Reason"

Not everyone who disagrees with you is doing it to manipulate you, but if someone is constantly disagreeing with you to the point where they seem to think nothing of how you actually feel about someone, it might be time to consider that they're just disagreeing with you to manipulate you. Some guys will go out of their way not just to disagree with you, but to tear down your opinions in such a way that you will actually feel bad that you spoke up. This is the whole point: they want you deferring to them and kind of afraid to stand up to them so they can keep treating you how they want. Unfortunately, this is a common thing in unhealthy relationships.