16 Ways His Friends Are Manipulating Him Against You

It starts with a gut feeling but always turns into more; that worry about who he's spending his time with, catching those furtive glances he takes at his phone screen and the way he seems to pull back from embraces faster and faster these days. We hate to say it, but you might be dealing with your guy having doubts. Sometimes it's only natural. Things move too fast and he gets overwhelmed, or something happens in his life and he needs a little space. Sometimes, however, it's due to outside influences. Oftentimes that means his friends or family.

While it's important for couples to retain friendships while they're in a relationship, sometimes that leads to negativity and jealousy on both partner's sides and their friends as well. It can be difficult to balance both a thriving social life and your new relationship, especially if the two haven't been integrated yet. But what happens when those friends are more poisonous than they are positive? If you've noticed strange things happening with your guy, check out these 16 signs. These are the 16 potential ways your guy's friends are manipulating him. Catch him on these and make sure you call him out… before it's too late!

16 All His Friends Do Is Point Out Your Flaws (Whether You're Around Or Not)

It's easy to hear things through the grapevine, which is how we rely on finding out about this sign. Whether you see it in an FB comment, hear it from a mutual friend, or see it written in a text message, if his friends are talking smack about you, you'll hear. It's the first sign because it's the most obvious way in which his friends might be manipulating him against you. By pointing out your flaws they'll undercut his image of you, and ensure that he doesn't place you on too much of a pedestal. If you're really unlucky his friends will point it out when you're all together in person. If that's the case, don't be afraid to speak up and explain why they're wrong; or to call him out on why he's not sticking up for you.

15 They Make Up Crisis Situations Just To Get Him Away From You

Whether it's a phone call in the middle of the night or a text message conversation that ends in “I just have to run out for a second”, you'll find that if his friends keep having crisis after crisis there might be something afoot. While we appreciate that certain times of the year are tougher than others, there's no excuse for every friend having a crisis every other night. A man needs some distance, and you need some reassurance that he's not making things up! We can assure you that he's definitely not; he legit is trying to be a good friend. Unfortunately, it's the friends that are making things awkward, considering the fact that they're using a crisis just to get him away from you.

14 He Starts To Hide His Phone

Girls, if anyone starts to do this to you, run. It doesn't matter if it's “a matter of privacy” or not. We're not saying that you need to have full access to your partner's phone. Definitely not. We are warning you that if he doesn't let you see what he's texting, starts to hide his social media, and freaks out when you check the time on his phone rather than your own, you might be dealing with a guy who's not being honest with you. Chances are his friends are talking bad about you, or are trying to pull him away from your relationship. If he hides his phone, ask what's going on. You'll be happier knowing the answer, even if it turns out to be nothing.

13 You're Only Referred To As “The Girlfriend”

There's nothing more dehumanizing than having your name taken away from you, even when it's something as relationship-centered as “the girlfriend”. In fact, sometimes people do this as a joke. They refer to their partner as “the girlfriend” or “the boyfriend”, but generally this isn't done seriously. You have a name, after all, and your partner would (presumably) want to use it. That's why this is a big red flag. If your partner (or his friends) are only referring to you as “the girlfriend” you might not want to get too comfortable. Chances are he's thinking about letting you go, as he hasn't taken the time to explain about you to his friends. At the very least, you should remind him what your name is… You know, so he doesn't forget.

12 They Treat Him Like He's Still Single

Whether this means going dancing at the clubs or getting him far too drunk for his own good, if his friends are still treating him like you're not in the picture, there's a good chance you're not. At least, not in their eyes. You might be too new for them to really take the relationship seriously, or you've been around for too long and they miss the single dude attitude your partner used to have. This is dangerous territory because if he starts believing he's single (when he's not) there's going to be some major issues. It's easy to forget about things when they aren't right there in front of you, especially when your friends are telling you it doesn't exist. It's classic manipulation tactics which should be putting you on red alert.

11 He Doesn't Like To Post Things About You Or The Relationship Online

Sure, he's a private guy. He doesn't use FB much, doesn't have a clue what Instagram is. He comes across a bit like a grumpy grandpa, but that's part of why you love him. He's sweet and innocent, and there's less of a chance of online drama happening when your online life is little to none. Maybe it's as simple as that; he just doesn't think to post about things. Maybe, however, he's scared to post about you and this awesome new relationship because he doesn't want his friends to judge him. Perceived opinion can be just as damaging as actual opinions. If he's worried in his head about what his friends will think, he's probably too worried to talk about you in person! This is another way his friends are manipulating him without ever saying a word.

10 He Gets Invited Out For Drinks… But You Don't Get To Go Along

Sorry, girl. While your friends make an effort to invite him out (assuming it's not girls night), his friends seem to be stuck on blocking you out. You get to watch him get ready, kiss him goodbye, and then hope that he'll text you when he's on his way back. Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen, and it's all because of his “friends”. They're happy to have him back in their circle for a night after feeling like he's been too separate from them for too long. While it's fine to want to catch up with your friend outside of significant other, you shouldn't be blocking them out every time. After a while, it makes us girls think that you just don't want to make the effort… Which may or may not be true!

9 He's Their On-Call Emotional Support System

In a similar way to his friends making up crisis situations to get him away from you, his friends will also be emotionally draining on him in from a distance. While you might love the fact at first that he's a bastion of support for his friends, it ends up getting bad when they take up all of his capacity to support; after all, there needs to be some support in the relationship too. If they're calling him night after night, figuring out their break up or dealing with a disagreement, he's not going to have much capacity left to help himself… Or you! Unfortunately, he might decide that the best way to deal with it isn't to block his friends out but to block you out.

8 He Spends All His Time Staring At His Phone (Or Other Screens)

If he's unable to live in the real world with you, that's a bad sign for the rest of your relationship. You want someone who's not afraid to put that phone down and stare at you in the eyes. A guy that's more interested in the real world than in the fake world of the internet. While things that happen online do have repercussions in the real world, and the two are pretty explicitly linked now, there's a certain amount of disinterest that goes along with someone who's staring at his phone. If he's too busy texting, chatting, or FaceTiming his friends to sit and have dinner with you, that's a bad sign and does not bode well for the future… Whatever that future ends up being!

7 He Makes More Time For Them Than For You…

In fact, if he makes more time for them, in general, it's a bad sign. Whether this is just through texting them all the time or hanging out with them 24/7, you're no doubt going to feel left out if all his time is spent with his friends. We've said it before but we'll say it again. While it's important for you two to have separate friendships and to keep those friendships alive during your relationship, there needs to be a balance. His friends might be getting greedy, getting him to hang out more than he actually wants to. Because of a perceived obligation, however, he goes every time. This happens more and more until you're left on the sidelines, begging to make time for even a late night McD's date.

6 And He Gets Angry When You Call Him Out On It

If you call him out on that little time you two are spending together, however, he'll freak out. This isn't your fault. You're not asking for too much, but you do need to understand that he's probably under quite a bit of pressure. If his friends are being clingy, and he's dealing with work and/or school, that's already getting to be too much for one guy to handle. We think that you'd be better off laying low until things start to calm down. Then you can approach the topic, and approach it gently. If you're not blaming him for the lack of time and instead are expressing what you need, he's going to be more receptive to change. That is unless his friends have fed him a different, distressing narrative about you needing too much. Then you need to have a different conversation.

5 He Starts Asking Questions Like “Are We Actually Going To Do This Forever?”

Ouch. No matter who you are or how healthy your relationship is, there's going to come to a point where you two talk about the future. In a perfect world, this conversation goes happily, and you two know that you're committed for at least another six months to a year. If the conversation goes poorly, then you know that some things need to change. If he doesn't even start a conversation and instead asks those cutting questions like “are we actually going to do this forever” then you should get on red alert. Something is up, and it's probably his friends badmouthing you and the foreverness of the relationship. The best approach to deal with this is to talk to him about it. If he's unhappy you two can figure stuff out. But if he's regurgitating the opinions of his friends, tell him to cut it out!

4 They Interrupt Date Nights… And He Doesn't Care

Picture it: you've planned a great date night. You've made reservations at your favorite restaurant and you've got a fun nightcap planned when you two get back to your place. You're excited to hear about everything he's been up to, and you're excited to tell him about all of your exciting news. Then… You get a call. It's your boyfriend, saying that he's going out with his friends to a hockey game instead of joining you at the restaurant, and maybe you can plan something for another day. It stinks, but it's understandable. A hockey game is a big event! If it happens more than once in a while, though, you should be warned. It's a bad sign and might be a clue that his friends are trying to keep him away from you and the relationship.

3 You've Never Met His Friends (And It's Not Going To Happen)

The worst part about all these signs is that you've probably never even met his friends. If they're trying to pull him away from you, they definitely don't want to meet you. It's not like they don't want to meet you because they already hate you, either. They dislike how you're the girlfriend, taking away Tom or Joe or Jim from their circle. Likely this means that they're never going to make the effort to get to know you; instead, they'll put their effort into getting him back into the circle. It's a shame, but it's up to him to break that cycle. He needs to be the one to introduce you all and to make sure everyone knows everyone. That way he'll get the best of both worlds: hanging out with them, and getting to spend time with you.

2 He Blows Off Important Dates With You To Just “Hang Out”

This is different from the other one we discussed because it's more serious than choosing one event over another. While we can understand and support our partner leaving us and going off and doing something fun that they love if it's a once-in-a-blue-moon kind of event, blowing us off to just “hang out” is a huge no. If anyone pushes you aside to sit in a basement and play video games, you should probably straight up leave them. Especially if he's waiting until the last minute to tell you he's not going to make it to the restaurant. It doesn't matter if it's giving his friends what they want. Ultimately, you need more respect than that. Your time is worth acknowledging, and your effort should be appreciated! It's just a simple matter of respect. Don't let him get away with treating you without any.

1 They're Straight Up Telling Him To Leave You

This is the most serious sign of all. Maybe you overheard a phone call he had, or maybe you saw a messenger chat by accident. Maybe you heard it while you were all out one night as you were walking back from the washroom. However you got the information, you know that it's high time to talk to them about it. You need to go straight to the source instead of just dealing with him. Talk to his friends and ask why they think you don't deserve any of his time. Talk to him and make sure he didn't get pulled in by these poisonous thoughts, and then figure out if you two are actually going to keep going. Getting told to leave someone is harsh, and if those are the type of people his friends are… What kind of person is he?