15 Things You Do When You Subconsciously Know He's Toxic For You
Just because someone gives you that heart pounding and dizzying crush feeling in your gut, doesn't necessarily mean that they are good for you in the long-term. Our brain has a funny way of playing tricks on us, especially when it comes to romance. It's easy to let those gut-churning feelings pick you up and swoop you away.
Physical attraction and passionate chemistry have a tricky way of blinding us from reality. Yes, when we feel our hearts skip a beat we are quick to think that this person MUST be right for us. But that sharp visceral reaction just might be your subconscious way of giving you a good kick, saying "hey you, pay attention! this guy is poking and prodding around in some dark and hurtful corners, better watch out!" When you feel these powerful sensations come along, don't be so quick to jump in without thinking twice about why you suddenly want to drop everything and change your life around for someone you barely know.
Yes, love can be irrational. But, it shouldn't make you feel insecure and cause pain or hurt. The very opposite: love should make you feel like a million bucks. As to avoid any unnecessary heartache down the line, pay close attention to these subtle signs that he's actually toxic for you.
15 You find that you're constantly doubting yourself and your abilities when you're around him
To doubt means to be uncertain, to lack a certain confidence about something. When we're seeing someone who is bad for us, in whatever form, we will often notice that we slowly begin to doubt ourselves. This is a really yucky feeling and can take many forms. for example, one common one is feeling insecure about your body or your intelligence. Or you may just feel an overall queasy sense that you're just not good enough. You can't quite put your finger on a why you feel that way, it just feels like you aren't. Let me be clear: no man should make you feel inferior. In fact, relationships - no matter what flavor - should make you feel like a star. Everyone deserves to be with someone that makes them feel like a queen.
14 Can't seem to get rid of this little voice of nagging insecurity in the back of your head
"he's not really into you", "you're not pretty enough for him", "did you see him talking to that other girl" - whatever that voice is saying, it's talking non-stop, and it's not nice. Sometimes people hear this voice even when people are treating them well. That's a whole other issue, and if you feel insecure even when a guy is truly making an effort and showing interest then it's time for serious introspection. However, if you are constantly feeling insecure, there usually is a legit reason. Guys who are toxic and treat you with less care and effort than you know you deserve will elicit these uncomfortable feelings of nagging insecurity. That feeling leads to all kinds of "crazy" behavior which just ends up fueling the insecurity cycle. Don't run away from that voice, stop and listen, because it just may be your guiding light.
13 Can't seem to control a desire to seek reassurance from him
Speaking of crazy behavior, when you feel this nagging insecurity and anxiety that's when you may feel compelled to seek reassurance from a guy. You NEED this to soothe your anxiety and bring down your stress levels. Is easy to figure out if your intentions are in a good place because your if they aren't, your anxiety will only get WORSE as a result. For example, you may decide you need to "disappear" for a couple days to see if he notices and comes your way. When he does finally reach out you are instantly relieved, but that feeling passes faster than it came. It's only temporary. Before you know it, doubt and insecurity swell up inside once again. And the cycle continues because you never actually address the real issue underpinning this behavior. That he's sending you into this spiral in the first place.
12 You get jittery and nervous around him, to the point where you can't string a simple sentence together
It's totally normal to feel a little jittery and excited when you're around someone you like. But when the jitters and stomach flutters turn into a full-blown flight or flight mode then maybe there is something deeper going on. I have this theory that when you subconsciously know that the feelings are not mutual you will feel the jitters but to a crazy-degree that almost feels sickening. This is your body's way of ringing an internal alarm and tugging you out of a situation you know deep down is not mutual. A lot of girls will interpret this feeling as some kind of super-crush, but I believe that it should be taken as a warning sign that the other person may not be feeling the exact same way.
11 Daydreaming about him doesn't feel like innocent mind wandering but more like an intrusive and obsessive fixation
The principle applied to daydreaming about someone. You know you've got a bad case of the feels when your mind is wandering and thinking about the other person and the good times you've been having together. Innocent and fun daydreaming should be a great feeling and a sure sign that someone has really made an impression on you. However, when this feeling is pushed to the extreme, it can be a signal that someone is bad for you. Especially if the nature of the thoughts are negative, for, example your obsessively re-thinking that last text you sent or re-hashing a message he sent, decrypting it from all possible angles to the point where you're unable to concentrate on anything else like work. This is not good and is surely a sign that a guy is toying with your mind.
10 You overthink every little text and attempt at communication with him
Virtual communication can mean a lot, yet so little at the same time. It's very easy to start reading too deep into not only someone's text but their style, reply time, emoji choice - you get the point. When a guy is toxic to you though, this tendency will be taken to the extreme and you will feel the need to read way too deeply into every little punctuation mark. At the end of the day, communication is interpreted as a whole. If two people are really into each other those tiny details don't matter. And if someone is good for you then communication should not feel forced but rather feel candid, natural, and organic. Whereas when it's toxic, communication feels contrived, pressured, and full of opportunities to read between the lines. You'll find yourself saying "what the hell does he mean by that" more often than not.
9 You stalk his social media to a degree that even your BFF would find embarrassing
We are the stalking generation and I believe that a little casual internet search and query is a normal part of the process of getting to know someone. Of course, you want to evaluate someone's online presence before getting too invested with them. However, you know that something is off when all you can do is not only stalk their page but their whole extended network. You've gone a little too deep when you know the exact eye color of their 2nd cousin once removed from their mom's side. Remember, if someone is good for you, then you shouldn't feel like you constantly have to check up on them on social media. When someone is good for you, they will make you feel secure and keep you in the loop, so you won't feel like having to do constant investigative work to know what they are up to.
8 Before making any decision you consider his needs and opinion before your own
When you're in a long-term committed relationship it's important to make decisions while considering your partner's feelings, especially when it comes to big life decisions like a career change or moving to a new city. However, when you haven't know someone for a long time but you always seem to get hung up thinking about how they will perceive you, then that's why you know that this might not be the guy for you. It's crucial to make decisions based on your needs and wants and not out of fear of judgment or need for approval of another person. So if you get the feeling that you're making decisions just to please another person, this guy just might be a toxic addition to your life and not a positive one.
7 You have completely re-prioritized your life to suit him and his needs
When you're dating someone new that you really like spending time with, it's normal to feel an urge to see them more often than not. Even if that means clearing up some days on your calendar to accommodate a budding relationship. However, there's a difference between making time and totally ditching everyone you care about and completely re-prioritizing your time. It might FEEL right but it's probably coming from a place of insecurity. You know that someone is messing with your heartstrings when you can't seem to make any rational decisions anymore. Keep seeing your friends, keep going to the gym, don't give up on all the things you loved doing before that made you worth dating in the first place. Trust me.
6 You have compromised your core beliefs and values to accommodate him
A person who is compassionate, willing to help others, and be kind is truly great character traits that are hugely attractive, especially when it comes to considering a long-term relationship with someone. However, when those traits are taken to an extreme and if you find yourself consistently making changes in order to please another person, to me that is the biggest sign that someone is actually toxic for you and the relationship are bound to implode. It becomes especially dangerous when you start compromising your core values for this person. In other words, don't lose yourself in a relationship, and more importantly, don't lose the values and beliefs that you hold most dear. These things don't happen overnight, though. It happens very slowly and below awareness. That's why it's so easy to lose sight. Ask your friends to keep you in check, an outsiders perspective is always the best way to get a good dose of reality.
5 All your decisions are made out of fear rather than out of desire and authenticity
Toxic relationships will directly impact the way we make our decisions and live our lives. You used to live your life and make decisions for you and only you. Now you find yourself mulling over the simplest of decisions because you're getting insecure about how he's going to feel about it or perceive it. Don't get me wrong, having empathy and taking into consideration other peoples feelings is a wonderful trait that few people seem to have these days. But when this tendency tips over into full-blown obsession, that is a sure sign that something is a bit off-kilter. Make sure that you're making choices that reflect your needs and bests interests, not only what you THINK he will like and be attracted to.
4 You will change your interests, style, and hobbies to fit closer to what you think he likes
It's a common phenomenon I've talked about many times before, my friends. And, like everything else in life, it's totally normal to a certain degree. Everything is OK in moderation, even emotions right? When you find ourselves crushing hard you will be curious about someone's lifestyle and may feel inclined to dabble in it yourself. Imitation is the highest form of compliment in my opinion and I think that should be taken as someone is really into you. However, if you notice that you are intentionally changing your style and interest because you ASSUME that this is what he'll be more into, then you're heading down a dark path to losing yourself. This is what immature and shallow love is built on. Superficial attraction. That is not the stuff that long-term commitment is made of. So if you wanna find yourself a couple years down the line with brittle hair, bad tattoos, and regrets, sure go for it. If not, maybe think twice before taking the plunge.
3 You talk about him to the point where your family and friends are avoiding you
You would intuitively think that if you're talking about someone a lot this signals something positive about that person and/or the role that they play in your life. But as many girls who just love to talk know, when we feel an uncontrollable urge to babble away and vent, it's usually not because things are good. It's actually quite the opposite. So if you're finding yourself talking your friends ear off about a guy, analyzing every little move he's made, every text, every facial expression, then maybe you've probably already gotten yourself into a deep toxic mess. On the other hand, I've noticed that when you meet someone who is candid about their intentions and where you stand, there is no need for second-guessing paranoia, and therefore no need to run to your girlfriends every two minutes to analyze the "deeper meaning" behind their behavior. Everything will be clear as water. So if you're finding yourself talking about him to a degree that is more than justifiable, pause to take a pulse of the relationships and if you really want to keep investing in this dynamic.
2 You read into everything he does and overanalyze and obsess until your head is spinning
I can't say it enough, when someone is genuinely into you, there will be zero room for you to get paranoid, insecure, or interpret and doubt their feelings for you because they will explicitly tell and show you where you stand. Always. That is the truest sign of a person who is good for you and the opposite of toxic. On the other hand, people who are toxic will constantly make you feel off balance, and as a result - kinda crazy. Their favorite strategy is to blow hot and cold. Showing strong interest one day, and becoming totally distant the next. This behavior can drive even the sanest of people into total shame spiral madness, so don't be so hard on yourself. If someone is making you feel like you're the crazy one, maybe it's time to take a step back and evaluate their behavior, instead of jumping to conclusions and getting down on yourself.
1 You can't help but shake this powerful gut feeling that something feels wrong (but so right)
When it comes to romance, your gut is your best friend. It's very easy to dismiss or misinterpret emotional and visceral reactions, basically rationalizing them away while blinded by infatuation and physical attraction. But every girl knows when that feeling is gnawing inside trying to shimmy its way up and break through to the surface. This emotion is so subtle and nuanced, making it incredibly difficult to describe with words. Also, can often be misinterpreted as a strong crush or attraction. But just like being in love you just KNOW when you feel it. There should be no doubt in your mind when someone is toxic to you. The ultimate litmus test is to ask a close friend or family member you can trust. An outside and objective perspective is the best way to reveal what you may not be able to honestly admit to yourself.