15 Things He Will Subconsciously Do When He's Losing Interest In You
There's a reason why people call it "falling" in love and not "jumping" in love. Falling is passive, whereas jumping is active. In other words, falling in love is such an exhilarating feeling because we don't deliberately choose to be in the state of love, it just storms into our lives and happens, like a gentle cosmic slap in the face. That's why it's such a beautiful emotion to experience, the loss of control can be intoxicating. Making the buzzing high of the honeymoon phase probably one of the best feelings in the whole world.
But the strong drug-like high doesn't last forever, though, and will eventually fade with time. We are not robots, though. And emotions aren't a light switch that can be flicked off and on overnight. On the contrary, more like a dimmer switch, feelings tend to slowly fade out over time, and often begins below someone's conscious awareness. A subconscious shift in feelings will always bubble up to the surface, and ultimately impact how someone acts towards you. That said, there are several tell-tale signs to be on the watch for. Read on to find out what they are.
15 He once went out of his way for you and and now he doesn't lift a finger
The way someone behaves early in a relationship sets a baseline for all actions going forward. In other words, actions dictate the other person future expectations. So as time goes by, disappointment and frustration start to set in when a guy doesn't continuously hit the bar which was initially set. The moral is, don't get down on yourself because they're the ones that set the foundation for those expectations in the first place. In the case of a guy who is losing interest, he will stop meeting that baseline that used to come naturally to him. Whether it was picking up your favorite bottle of wine on the way home, or giving you a little back rub - when a guy starts to lose interest, those small acts of kindness will fall quickly along the wayside. But it's not you, it's definitely them.
14 He used to only have eyes for you, now he openly flirts and talk about other girls around you
Similarly to how a guy will start to say subtly hurtful things as a way to drop hints of his fanding attraction, he will also drop hints by talking about other women while you're around. Not just any women, though - attractive ones. He is subconsciously doing this because of somewhere deep down he knows it will hurt you and as a result likely prompt you to distance yourself from him. Which is exactly what he wants. It's all a very painful game and dance that could just be avoided with one simple conversation. But love and attraction is anything but simple. And no, he's not playing hard to get, and no he doesn't want you to work harder for his attention. If a guy is straight-up talking about being interested in other girls then that should be enough for you to actually take a hint and walk away.
13 Kissing used to be intimate and passionate, now it's like kissing your cousin
When you first start dating someone you just can't keep your hand off each other. Kissing them is like trying to resist the urge to devour a whole bag of salty chips - betcha can't have just one! It's slow, it's passionate, it's that knee-weakening goodness teenage girls dreams are made of. This drug-like high will always start to fade with time, especially if your relationship is only based on lusty physical attraction, That said, when a guy is starting to feel like his feelings are changing, so will his kisses. Like the classic rock songs says "it's in his kiss". So if your kisses have stopped completely or have just been reduced to dry pecks on the mouth or cheek, then you might need to take the pulse of your relationships because this might a sign of some deeper dissatisfaction.
12 He used to be romantic and now he treats you like your a buddy rather than a partner
Not all guys are traditionally romantic. But just like girls, each guy will have their own unique "brand" of romance. When his feelings for you are strong, he will turn up the heat to make sure that you feel that you are his queen, the apple of his eye. It's amazing to be on the receiving end of such adoration but beware - being put on a pedestal rarely lasts forever. Once a guy's feelings start to change, and he begins to lower you down from that pedestal, his actions will align up accordingly. He will begin to treat you more like a friend, family member, or roommate - than a lover, and it will be jarring. Lesson learned: it's essential to cultivate a connection that's deeper than just physical intimacy because those feelings always fade with time.
11 You used to do fun new things all the time, now all you do is stay in and do nothing, separately
Girls love activities, and guys know this. Yes, we just LOVE cute dates that involve actually doing something. Whether it's a bike ride, a trip to an amusement park, going to the restaurant, us girls just adore the idea that someone is making a genuine effort to impress and make real time for us. When a guy's feelings are strong, he will pull out all the stops to make sure that you are thoroughly impressed by his effort. It's in his best interest to keep you around and avoid having your eyes wander to other guys. However, when a guy's feelings start to fade - so will his effort. He will stop trying to make you happy by proposing fun outings and date ideas he knows you'll love - because well, too much effort. And if you end up running into the arms of another man because of it, all the better because you're freeing him of the very and painful task of actually breaking up.
10 He would ditch his friends for you and now he full-blown avoids spending time with you
When feelings are at an all-time high we tend to re-prioritize our lives in a way that's not exactly rational. Practically overnight, you find yourself rearranging your entire schedule to make all this time for someone you barely know, but it just FEELS so right. For example, We all have that friend that literally disappears off the face of the earth as soon as they get into a new relationship. When feelings start to dip, however, a common side-effect is the sudden need to reacquaint yourself with the friends that you temporarily lost touch with during your love spell. Once a relationship balances out it's common for people to go back to their normal schedules, but what's not normal is actively avoiding hanging out with the person you're supposed to be in a relationship with. That said, if you find yourself on the receiving end, take note, it's probably not a coincidence.
9 He used to show-off his skills to impress you, now he doesn't bother teaching you anything new
Ever notice a guy trying to teach you something, especially about a new subject that you're not so familiar with. Guys just love to do that with girls they like. It's definitely a subconscious impulse to impress, makes them feel intelligent and knowledgeable - teaching you is kind of their way of bonding. Basically, girls like to chit chat, guys like to teach each other to do stuff. When a guy starts to lose interest, however, so will his desire to teach you something new. Especially if he was big on teaching at the beginning. It's unfortunately sad to see that start to happen, but definitely, pay attention to these signs, they are signaling a deeper discontent and trouble below the surface. Meaning, this is definitely the right time to speak up.
8 He used to give you live updates about his day, now you have to pull teeth to figure out what he's up to
"How is your day going" or any random update about his day - from lunch to evening commute - this was a normal part of your day-to-day interactions. In other words, when you were just starting to date you pretty much knew what he was up to on a daily basis. He wouldn't dare let an afternoon go by without a cute snap or pic of something interesting/funny he did or saw. Now some time has passed, and you find it difficult to know what he's been up to this week. He doesn't let you into his life like he used to and when you ask what he's been up to, he's suspiciously silent and vague. This type of behavior consistently definitely signals fading feelings below and should be addressed sooner than later, someone's gonna end up hurt, and it's not him.
7 He used to get jealous when you talked about other guys, now he really couldn't care less
Jealousy is not only a female trait. I would argue that men get even MORE jealous than girls do, especially when they are head over heels in love. When jealousy tips over into full-blown control issues, that's a whole other story, but innocent jealousy can definitely be endearing and be a strong signal that a guy is super into you. Similarly, when a guy's feelings start to fade, so will his possessiveness over you. For example, he used to get upset when you would text other people in front of him without telling him who it was, but now he doesn't even bat an eye. He really couldn't care less. However, don't get my words twisted. Don't ONLY use a guy's jealousy as a barometer for the health of your relationships. Because jealousy can sometimes be so extreme that it becomes toxic. However, if there is not even a teeny tiny ounce of curiosity about who you're talking to or hanging out with, then something is definitely off.
6 He used to make an effort with grooming and always smelt fresh, now he doesn't care about skipping a few showers
Smelling so fresh and so clean is a normal product of trying to impress someone. The more we feel like someone is out of our league or "a catch" the more likely we are to feel the need to impress them, all the time - top-notch grooming is the best place to start. Because this is where we are able to exercise the most control, naturally. Even if you didn't win the genetic lottery, at least you can get a sleek haircut and some cool clothes - and voila! You're cool as ice - in an instant. Lack of effort in the appearance department is a common symptom of fading feelings. He literally does not care how bad he looks because he knows you will stick around no matter what. Do you think that it's a coincidence when couples settle into a routine and their waistline slowly starts to expand with it? No. This is the perfect example of my point. As feelings slide from heart-palpitating "in love" to more safe and secure "love", so will the need to look your best all the time.
5 He used to be sensitive to your needs and feelings, now he lives his life as if you don't even exist
When we really care and feel for someone we will always be sure to include them in every facet of our lives in some way shape or form. Whether you're updating them on small day-to-day details or you're letting them know that you're leaving on a long vacation, it's normal to feel the need to let them know, not out of obligation - but because you genuinely want them to stay looped into your life. When feelings start to dip, however, so does the need to include someone in your life in a high-level way. For example, if your guy goes off on a day trip with his buddies and doesn't even bother to let you know, then that would be a pretty obvious and glaring sign. Although, at times, the signs can be more subtle, and you will be required to carefully read between the lines. But a simple truth remains: if someone isn't making an effort to include you in their lives, then they probably no longer want you in it. Facts.
4 The endearing pet names he once called you are being replaced "dude" and "bro"
Not sure if a guy is actually into you, in a more-than-friends kindda way? Then just listen to the way he talks to you. It will speak volumes. Does he speak to you like he would to one of his buddies when he's kicking back on the couch playing video games? If yes - then chances are that he probably doesn't see you as much more than a friend, too. Similarly, when a guy's feelings slide from romantic "in love" to just the safe "love" feeling, the way he speaks to you will also begin to shift accordingly to reflect his deteriorating feelings. He will start talking to you like your just one of the guys - "hey, bro" - and all that stuff that doesn't really make a girl feel all that sexy. But that's the whole idea, he's subconsciously trying to send a message, so maybe you'll finally take the hint.
3 He used to gently tease you about silly things but now his words cut deeper and it actually hurts
It can come as a shocking surprise when the strong and potent highs of puppy love start to naturally fade with time This feeling is so powerful that when you're knee-deep, it literally feels like it will never end. But, in reality, and for literally every human on the planet, it always does. And although the fading of that buzzy-high is biologically normal, many guys interpret that fading as something "wrong" with your relationships and/or you. Those once mind-numbing feelings no longer hold the same power over them as they once did. Instead of confronting you and discussing it, though, guys will often try to drop hints as to indirectly suggest that their feelings are fading. A common strategy is to tease as he used to, but now the teasing has become a little too real and actually hurtful; making you question his kindness and commitment to you. Don't be fooled, this is a cowards way to get out of a relationship without having to do all the hard emotional work.
2 You used to get minimum one Instagram tag a day, and now virtual of communication is practically non-existent
Communicating with someone over the many platforms available is all part of dating in 2017. With so many mediums of getting in touch at our disposal virtual communication means so little, but yet, so much at the same time. Considering the ease of staying connected, we can't ignore the strong positive link between how someone feels about you and how often they reach out virtually. It takes about 0.0005 seconds to send a text. And when someone is on your mind that is an action that will just arise organically. Similarly, if someone is not on your mind so much, then you will naturally feel less compelled to stay in touch. When a guy starts to lose interest, the product of that emotion will be a slow and torturous decline in communication. Don't jump to conclusions too fast, though. Always judge against a persons "normal" baseline. We all have different relationships to technology.
1 He wasn't able to keep his hands off you, not he does not bat an eye at the sight of you in your cutest underwear
It's normal for the initial butterflies of the honeymoon period to start to fade after some time with the same person. But with the right attitude and more importantly deeper emotional and intellectual connection, two people can make it work beyond the initial can't-keep-your-clothes-on-phase of a relationship. However, when a guy is losing interest this manifest as total loss of interest in getting jiggy with it - if you know what I mean. This is especially true if your relationship is based on nothing other than getting naked together. You shouldn't take this personally, though. Instead, take it as a lesson for the future: solid relationships should and are founded on something much deeper than just physical attraction alone.