15 Things Guys Say Vs. What They Actually Mean
Lets' be honest here: sometimes it feels like a miracle that men and women can even coexist. It seems that we are speaking two different languages. The saying goes that “men are from Mars and women are from Venus”, and it could not feel more accurate. We just do not understand each other at ALL! Men tend to lie, and they lie for a few reasons: they are cowards, they don't want to hurt you, or they changed the narrative to avoid consequences. And sometimes, women just want to hear what we want to hear - the majority of us have something called “selective hearing”. Sometimes, we get so swept up in the idea of somebody, or fantasizing about what CAN be, we ignore what a man really says or how he feels. And other times, they are just straight up full of cr*p and will lie straight to your face. Here are 15 things guys say and what they really mean:
15 What he says: I don't want a relationship VS. What he means: I don't want one with you.
This means one of two things: He does not want a relationship. Period. Or more a more painful pill to swallow: he does not want one with you. Either way, if you are looking for something more meaningful it is time for you to walk away from him. Do not wait for a man to change - chances are he never will. A harsh truth that I myself have had to accept once or twice. Yes, it is the worst feeling in the world to think that the man that you love or care about may not be able to reciprocate those feelings. Whether he has emotional baggage, he isn't over his ex, or he doesn't ever see himself with you, it would be in your best interest to leave. Now. Often times, we believe as women that if we just showed and proved to him how great of a partner that we could be, that he would magically want to be your boyfriend. It doesn't work like that. The only shred of hope that you do have for him to want to commit is for you to break it off. He may come around, he may not. Regardless, it is not your responsibility to wait for any man.
14 What he says: You deserve better than me VS. What he means: I will never give you what you need
When a man says this, he is trying to tell you to bounce and go find someone that will give you what you deserve. He knows that you are a great girl with a good head on your shoulders, and he is not in a place to dedicate the time or effort you deserve in a relationship. Don't try to be the “fixer”. Don't try to save him, because at the end of the day you can't save someone who isn't willing to save themselves. It would be a completely different story if a man had some emotional issues that he was trying to work through, and is truly trying to be a better partner for you. However, if he is blatantly telling you that you need to leave because he isn't good enough for you without making an effort to be better: say buh-bye. Heed his warning. If you decide to ignore him, it is completely on you if you get hurt. And you will get hurt, because he is literally telling you that his actions cannot match what you expect from him.
13 What he says: I've been busy/swamped with work VS. What he means: I have lost interest in you
We are all well aware that people make time for the things and the people that they care about. When a man says this to you, he is making an excuse to dodge you. Work is not a cop out to never spend time with you. I don't care if he is a high-profile lawyer that works 80 hours a week. If he likes you, he will make time for you. And if he loves you, he will go through hell and high water just to spend time with you. Think about this: when you love a man and you have a hectic work schedule, do you still make time to see him? Do you still text him to ask him how his day is going? I can guarantee you that you do. Apply that same logic to someone that you are not into. You will throw any reason as to why you haven't been answering their phone calls, but the truth is that you just don't really care.
12 What he says: I don't want you wearing that VS. What he means: I'm so insecure that you'll leave me for someone better
Call me a feminist, but I believe that us women should be allowed to say, wear, or do whatever the hell we want. If we want to wear a crop top and short shorts, that is our right. If we want to wear a skimpy LBD, that is also our decision and our decision only. I do not feel that a man has any say in any choices that we make with our bodies, and that includes with our wardrobe. Sure, it is lovely to hear compliments from our man about what we are wearing, but absolutely nobody should be dictating what you can and cannot wear. This is usually a sign for bad things to come, and he will start to want to control other aspects of your life. Soon, he will tell you that he doesn't want you going out with your girls, or he doesn't want you having male friends. He'll be saying that you see your family too much and you don't spend enough time with him. Who really needs that? no thanks.
11 What he says: I'm just really tired VS. What he means: I am no longer attracted to you
Lets' face it: men are sexual creatures. They think about sex about twice as much as women. They see cleavage, they think bedroom. They see a nice pair of legs, they think about the bedroom. It is pretty much always on their mind. And they always want to do it. lt is no secret that a man will go to the end of the earth to seal the deal with a woman that they are into. I once had a man tell me that he wants to marry me to only find out that he only wanted one thing. Pretty extreme, I know, but men cannot live or function without sex. If your man no longer wants to sleep with you, sorry to break it to you babe but something is seriously wrong. There is no way that he is too exhausted for multiple days in a row to participate in something that men cherish dearly.
10 What he says: I need space VS. What he means: I need time to decide if this relationship is right for me
He needs time to think. Plain and simple. Believe that this is really what he wants when he expresses this to you. While I understand that sometimes when we say this as woman, we want a man to chase after us. That is not the case for guys at ALL. Men don't like a woman to chase them, quite frankly - it is a turn off. They are hunters, and they will always want to take the initiative if they are feeling you. It isn't cute to chase, IMO. If you actually hear him instead of completely disregard his needs, he will appreciate you forever. Yes, I am aware that it is quite painful you may not be able to speak to the man you love or care deeply for during this time, but you will want to give him this. There is nothing a man hates more than to be smothered when all he is asking for is a little space.
9 What he says: You wouldn't like my friends VS. What he means: My friends wouldn't like you
If a man says this to you: run the other way. Either he hangs around a squad of goons, or he doesn't want to include you in this very important piece of his life. Everyone knows that once you meet the group of friends, things are getting kind of serious. You should always be cautious of a man that keeps you quiet, it is never a good sign. Trust your instincts enough to realize that he is bad news, a shady guy is never something that you want to deal with. Shadiness and dishonesty go hand in hand, and do you really want a man who is dishonest. Another worse option is that his friends are disgusting. They may be pigs who go out and look for girls at the club, or they may be completely disrespectful to you. Best believe that when a man's friends behave a certain way, he does too.
8 What he says: I don't do PDA VS. What he means: I don't want to look taken in public
Never fall for the “I don't do PDA line”. Of course, there are instances in which a man is not lovey dovey and affectionate. However, if he refuses to even hold your hand in public, he has an ulterior motive. Unfortunately, he probably doesn't want to give off the impression to anyone that he is in a relationship. Don't believe him when he gives you this excuse. A man who adores a woman will barely be able to keep his hands off of her, let alone partake in a little innocent hand holding! We all know that men are super sexual creatures, especially when they are in love. He will care less about looking a certain way to other people (more importantly, other women) because he is more interested in you and your feelings. He will want you to feel wanted and noticed at all times. You will always be able to tell when a couple is in love depending on how affectionate they are with one another.
7 What he says: I want a day with the boys VS. What he means: You're consuming all of my time
It is no secret that the heterosexual male species love their bro time. Guys love going to play golf or watch football with their amigos just like you enjoy having brunch and mimosas on Sundays with your girls. No, it is not him purposefully leaving or trying to get away from you and the relationship, so do not take this personal. I would encourage you to encourage him to spend time with his friends. It is important in a relationship to maintain some boundaries and maintain separate lives, even when you are married! You two do not have to be attached to the hip, so don't make him feel guilty for wanting to spend some time apart. You know that he is coming home to you and all he is doing is drinking beer with his boys, so who cares? This is a straightforward situation and there really is no underlying meaning.
6 What he says: Who was that guy? VS. What he means: I am pretty jealous right now and I need reassurance
Men tend to be a little bit on the prideful side and the last thing that most of them want to be portrayed as is needy or emotional. While this may sound like pure curiosity from his end, he is low key super jealous. He wants you to reassure him that the guy you just greeted with a hug and a smile is just a friend and he has nothing to worry about. Insecurity isn't strictly a women's characteristic, men are too! They are just much better at concealing it, and this is a great example. He will not reveal how jealous he really is, he will just pretend that he is making conversation or simply showing interest in your life, while deep down he is probably thinking - “did she ever sleep with him?” “Is he more buff than me?” “Did that hug linger a little too long?”. The bright side of this is a little jealousy can be kind of endearing.
5 What he says: I miss you VS. What he means: I miss our "alone" time
This is a tricky one, and I would argue that it would depend on the nature of your relationship with this man. If this is a guy that you would purely sleep with and he is texting you this at 3 am, it is likely that he just misses sleeping with you. However, if it is someone who you had a relationship with that was more than sex: he could just miss spending time with you. So, I would use your best judgement and trust your intuition. Deep down, you will know whether or not if his intentions are pure and what it is that he is truly longing for. If this is someone who keeps messing up and comes crawling with his tail in between his legs, I would swerve him real quick. On the other hand, if this is a man who you want to rekindle with, him reaching out like this is a good sign.
4 What he says: Nothing, for a week VS. What he means: I'm not into you, but I am too cowardly to tell you to your face
To be fair this is a common trend between men and women alike. I like to call it the slow fade: when someone just slowly and quietly disappears out of your life. It may not be straight up ghosting: when someone abruptly leaves all of a sudden. He may answer a text here and there, but it will be vague and short, and it will be to be polite. Yes, people get busy. Yes, sometimes people aren't near their phone. But it has been proved that we check our phones every eight minutes. Do you really think that if someone is truly feeling you can't take five seconds out of their day to craft a text? There is no excuse for going silent for a week. While it is true that men tend to be less punctual with answering texts because they cannot multitask the way women can, if a week goes by you can be sure that he does not like you the way you want him to.
3 What he says: You are overreacting/dramatic VS. What he means: I'm actually the crazy one but I will deflect this onto you
I personally DESPISE when a man calls me dramatic or if he tells me I am overreacting. Sure, we all have moments. Sometimes, we do cry for no reason. Sometimes, we explode - and that is because we are HUMAN BEINGS. If a man is calling you dramatic because you found him texting another girl, or telling you that you're overreacting because he disappeared on you when you needed him the most, it is code for I am an assh*le. This is the kind of man that will never own up to his actions. He knows that he is in the wrong, so instead of you being mad at him, he decides to discredit your very valid feelings. It is a tactic that has been used on women for centuries: it is called gaslighting, and it is very real. If you don't know what it is, I suggest you look it up, because it could be happening to you.
2 What he says: You look fine VS. What he means: Can we go now?
You probably hear this from your man after you have tried on 35 outfits and he wants to get out the door. He is getting impatient, and he probably doesn't understand for the life of him why you are acting so insecure. He believes you are beautiful no matter what. Dudes will never get this aspect of us - they try on one or maybe TWO outfits and they are done. They can't comprehend the amount of pressure that is bestowed upon us as women from society. We feel like we have to look perfect 24/7 - especially during a night out. We know that the pictures will start and they will be posted on Instagram. The last thing we want is to look bad on the gram. Men and women will never see eye to eye when it comes to the “getting ready” ritual. Yet another disagreement that we have to all deal with - great.
1 What he says: You're beautiful VS. What he means: I love everything about you
The way a man compliments you say it all. The one who is constantly complimenting your looks and nothing about other qualities is likely the one who is in it for only one thing. There are real differences in what a guy will say to you. To me, there is a huge distinction between when a man calls you “hot” vs. “beautiful”. Hot is the woman he sleeps with. Beautiful is the woman he marries. When someone calls you beautiful, they appreciate everything about you. From that dimple on your cheek, to your birthmark that you can't stand a man that throws this compliment your way is admiring every inch of your being. They may even love you! I personally can't think back to a time where a man who didn't care called me beautiful, only the men who adored me. And it is not only when you are all dolled up, either. It is the dude who calls you beautiful when you are just waking up with no makeup on that is crazy about you.