15 Signs He's Into Your Best Friend and Not You
When you're seeing someone new or you have a new crush on your radar, you will usually spot them in a public setting. In other words, relationships are not contained. You will likely be hanging out with your friends or other people when you meet them.
Considering this truth, we sometimes end up attracted to the friend, roommate, maybe even sibling of our supposed new love - instead of to them. Before you know it you'll find yourself thinking "wait, maybe I chose the wrong one". Oh, the drama!
This can also happen when you bring around a new guy to meet your friends; you may notice his behavior start to shift and change over time, especially around a certain friend of yours. But before jumping to any harsh conclusions, it's important to take a big step back and carefully evaluate the situation because it's easy to slip into reading too deeply into someone's behavior. Follow these 15 signs before making any final decisions as to whether he is into your friend, and not you.
15 When you bring her up in conversation his face will totally light up
You can spend 200$ on a facial at the fanciest spa in town, but there's nothing that gets the skin radiating more than a new crush. Whether that person walks in the room or is simply brought up in conversation, it will be impossible to wipe the glowing dorky smile off your face. That beaming energy can be spotted a mile away. In the case of your guy, if your suspicious that he might be digging your friend instead of a sure-fire way to know how he feels if to bring her up on purpose to see how he reacts. The classic brow lift, pupil dilation, and flash smile - which are all characteristic facial cues of interest and attraction - should appear on his face. Warning: Only test if you're absolutely sure you can handle the truth.
14 He subtly mentions her name in passing conversation too often to be just a coincidence
When you really like someone the sound of their name is like pure music to your ears. Not only do you want to say it all the time, but you love hearing it. When it comes to your crush, boyfriend, or FWB, you know - your guy - if he's consistently dropping your friend's name in conversation instead of focusing on whatever you're talking about, then that should be a HUGE red flag. If this is happening consistently, then that is a sure sign that it's not merely a coincidence. Make sure to take note of the way his eyes look when he mentions her, glowing eyes accompanied by a coy smile are a dead giveaway. Eye contact will always reveal everything about how someone truly feels inside. Don't ignore these seemingly innocuous signs and you will have your answer.
13 They seem to have a not so secretive social media relationship
We are the casual stalking generation; if you're not monitoring your crushes every move on social media, can you really consider them your crush? The answer is an obvious and resounding, no. That's because a normal product of liking someone is being interested in what they're doing, who they're going out with, and what they are 'liking' on social media. If your investigative work reveals that they not only have a connection on social media but that they are actively engaging with each other's posts and pictures, then that should also raise a red flag. If there are actually typed out comments, then the flag is even bigger. Don't try to rationalize that doubt in your gut away. Listen to it instead because it's usually right.
12 He is always planning to attend the same events when he knows she will be there too
Thank you, Facebook for helping us monitor all of our friends weekend activities. When you know someone is going to an event or party you can easily show up and bump into them with a casual and innocent "oh, I had no idea you were going to be here". Throw in a cute and flirty laugh and eyelash bat for good measure. It's extremely easy to make people think that you had no intention of running into them. Again, we are a generation of casual stalkers, and everybody's doing it. So when it comes to your guy, if you notice that he seems to be attending or interested in all the same events as her, take note, this is not a simple coincidence. Best to confront someone or bring it up before things get too messy and complicated.
11 His hobbies and tastes are suspiciously starting to change to align with hers
A classic sign of romantic love is the rapid onset and sudden fascination in another person's likes and interests. Yes, you have taken a sip of the love kool-aid when you can't seem to shake an unrelenting drive to share your new found loves interests. When it comes to your guy, you can't help but notice that you main squeeze interests are starting to evolve and change right before your eyes. Maybe he started to listen to some grungy indie-rock bands and he was strictly a hip-hop guy. Or all of a sudden he's rocking a beanie and vans but he was always more of a clean-cut guy. The sting of cupids bow can make people do some pretty serious 180s. What gives?! Well, the truth is that he is probably trying to impress your friend instead of you. Don't take these signs lightly.
10 When he's around her he will direct his body language towards her
Picking up on subtle body language cues is the easiest way to rapidly decrypt someone's deeper emotional state. Much of the time body language expressed without conscious awareness, so you may be moving your body to express emotions that you may not even consciously be aware that you are experiencing! The classic signs to watch out for are where the feet and torso are pointing. People will usually face whoever they find the most interesting or appealing in the room. If you notice that your guy is always facing your friend and not you, then take notice, this might be a sign of a deeper issue. It'll hurt when you investigate and see that his body language is saying a lot to your best friend and not to you, but in the end isn't it better knowing before your feelings get hurt?
9 He will try to tag along to plans when he knows she will be there with you too
You have plans to go to some girly party with your friend, and all of a sudden your crush texts you to know if he can tag along. It seems a little bit off because you know that he isn't interested in hanging out with a bunch of girls, but he subtly asks you who will be there. This behavior is occurring more often than not and is just rubbing you the wrong way. Your gut tells you that something is not right. That's because it isn't and this behavior is always a dead give away. Don't be blind, this is a standard strategy to weasel his way into hanging out with her, and you second, of course. If you see this behavior occurring on a regular basis, then you definitely have your answer. Don't ignore the obvious signs.
8 He asks about details of her life to get to know her better through you
When you really like someone it's a normal response to want to get to know them better. That's just all part of the feeling package that comes along with a crush. A pressing desire to get to know someone is just a normal by-product of crushing hard. When it comes to your guy, if he's interested, he should be asking you about yourself. Right? So if you find that more often than not, he's asking you about your friend instead, then maybe you should take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. Perhaps he's too shy to ask her directly or he's afraid to upset you - whatever the case - he's behaving in an indirect way to get to her, and that's not good for you. So speak up before someone gets hurt.
7 He tried to compensate by paying more attention to you than normal
When people feel a sense of guilt or shame around an emotion those negative feelings sometimes manifest in some very bizarre ways. For example, when someone is trying to hide a crush they know they shouldn't have, they will try to overcompensate by acting extra nice to the person they know it would hurt the most. Funny enough this usually ends up hurting the person more, but now we're getting off topic. Maybe they will give you more attention, spend extra time with you and ask you about your day, but it's all just a smoke and mirrors game to distract you from the truth. In their defense, they know the truth will hurt, so they are just trying to protect you. But don't let yourself get fooled by an attractive performance, and open your eyes, before it's too late.
6 All of a sudden he dressing and smell different than he normally does
Similar to how romantic attraction incites an immediate desire to change your likes and interests, it will also motivate you to look and smell your best all the time, especially when your around that special someone. When you're trying to catch someone's attention or impress them, you will always put some serious effort into your hair, outfit, and makeup. Men do the same. If you notice that your guy is making an extra effort, especially when he knows that your friend will be around, that should be a sure sign that something deeper is going on. Guys will, however, try to impress in a different way from women. For dudes, specifically take note of their smell, hai, and clothes, because this is where guys will put most of their effort to impress.
5 When she is around he will intentionally change his posture and tone of voice
There are some "Alpha man" poses that men will instantly subconsciously adopt when they are trying to impress an attractive woman. These are evolutionary mechanisms deeply wired into us and are a dead give away for attraction. We are all just a bunch of monkeys. They are often done subtly though, so pay attention! The classic dominant man pose is shoulders back with a puffed out chest, that shows "I'm the man here". Also, it's known that if a man is attracted to a woman, his tone of voice will drop to become deeper when he is speaking to her. Women are known to find a deep voice more attractive in a man - testosterone is sexy - so this seems like a logical response when a guy is around a girl he finds attractive. Take note of these subtle cues when they are in the same room. Don't say I didn't warn ya.
4 You will notice subtle signs of flirtation when they are together
It's everybody's worse nightmare come true. Your crush is actually into your friend, and not you. You can drive yourself totally bonkers trying to decrypt subtle body language and facial cues all you want, but sometimes it's just staring at you right in the face. If they are flirting right in front of you, even subtly, then it must be true. Flirtation can come in so many forms: witty banter, light touch, smooth eye contact - if you notice any of the above then at least your 1-step closer towards full acceptance. If two people are blatantly flirting in the open, not even trying to hide it, then there isn't much you can do but swallow your pride and move onto the next with your head held high.
3 He will be secretive about his virtual relationships with her
When someone feels shameful about their behavior they will either try to aggressively overcompensate by being extra nice - or they will do the total opposite, and deny and suppress it like there is no tomorrow. Usually, the latter is done by guys with less experience in the art of deception. If you feel like your guy is being shady with his phone or just trying to subtly manage his virtual relationship with her, take note. This behavior is very subtle at first and can easily go unnoticed. Or we can often get paranoid and imagine it when it's not actually the case. But if you notice repeat offenses, then don't turn a blind eye, you're not imagining things. Trust your gut when it comes to romance, it's will always be your guiding voice and best friend.
2 If you try to confront him about it he will deny it
You've rolled up your sleeves and completed your best work by conducting a thorough investigation on him; tracking his behavior online and offline, down to the grainiest of details. You've got lawyer-levels of substantial evidence stacked against him, and you've reached the point where you can confidently confront you guy about his supposed attraction to your friend without coming across as "crazy". But when you do approach him, however, he reacts in a way where - despite the pile of evidence - he furiously denies it and twist it around to make YOU seem like your imagining things. Emotional manipulation is the guilty man's secret weapon. Don't let all that investigative work go to waste, you put in the work for a reason. Because you know that you're not imagining things and that it's true.
1 Your friends and social circle confirm and agree that they see it too
Sometimes we need the help of our friends and social circle to validate our feelings and assumptions. Maybe you got a little carried away in your Instagram investigations and your afraid that you're reading too deeply into his likes and comments. After all, likes are free - and it's just a little ol innocent like, right? Maybe yes, maybe no. That's why we all need some BFFs to give us an outsides perspective and keep us in check. If you have a morsel of doubt, ask a couple of your friends for a quick dose of reality. If everyone in your social circle agrees - without a doubt - that you are NOT imagining things, then the unanimous consensus is probably true. It's now time to put your big girl pants on and confront the truth head-on.