15 Signs He'll Never Let Go Of His Insecurity
Most women agree that cockiness in a guy is a major turn-off - no one wants to be with a guy who thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, and a gift to all women. However, the opposite end of the spectrum can be just as bad - confidence is definitely a major plus in a guy, so an insecure man who is constantly looking to you for approval and attention can be a major buzzkill.
Now, some guys just need to develop their confidence, and manage to do so successfully with time and become great partners. Other guys? Not so much. They stay insecure and their insecurity often manifests in ugly ways that can be majorly damaging to your relationship.
If you find yourself recognizing a bunch of items on this list, that may be a sign that you have an insecure guy on your hands. And unfortunately, especially in men, insecurity can come out in awful ways and lead to some majorly irritating behaviour.
If he shows a lot of these 15 signs of insecurity, it may mean that he's always going to be insecure - and you need to cut him loose and find you a man with some confidence!
15 He's always looking for compliments - even if he won't admit it
Listen, we get it - everyone likes getting a compliment every now and then. I mean, who doesn't want to be told they're great, especially when they're having a bad day? It's not unreasonable of your guy to expect a little compliment once in a blue moon. However, if he manages to turn every conversation into a fishing trip where he's attempting to reel in compliment after compliment, that's majorly irritating. It's a sign he's insecure enough that he desperately needs those compliments, but isn't being honest enough to come forward and show some vulnerability about his insecurity. Instead, he just backs you into a corner until you have no option but to deliver that compliment, and you're just annoyed by the whole situation and totally over it. I mean, can't he be his own hype man?
14 He brags about conquests and past relationships
Many guys like to engage in some kind of testosterone-driven competition about who's the most desirable male by comparing their past history and partners. It's gross, but it happens. However, you'll find that the most secure guys usually don't really divulge much about their exploits between the sheets - because they're not looking for anyone else's validation. They don't need a thump on the back and a comment about what a player they are. It's the insecure guys that are constantly chattering about how many notches they have on their bedpost, and what gorgeous women they've managed to bed. If you get together with a guy like that, you can pretty much guarantee you'll be the subject of that locker room talk at some point, and that's just not cool. Talk about insecure.
13 He always tries to be the tough, strong, Alpha male
Most guys who are confident and secure in who they are have absolutely no issue showing vulnerability. They'll sit by your side during a tearjerker and share the box of Kleenex with you. They'll back down from a fight without worrying about how it makes them look as a man. They're not putting on a show for anyone because they're confident in who they are. An insecure guy, on the other hand, desperately needs to feel like the strongest, most testosterone-packed Alpha Male in the room, and he'll resort to pretty cringeworthy behaviour to prove it. Have you ever seen a guy challenge someone to an arm wrestling contest in a crowded bar? That's the most insecure guy in the bar, no doubt, and everyone is super embarrassed on his behalf.
12 He puts down anyone who has achieved success - especially if they're more successful than him
Listen, we understand - sometimes the green headed monster rears its head and you find yourself envious of someone's success. However, for most people, that's a fleeting impulse, and you soon return to being super excited for your friend or partner or whoever it is that achieved something major. An insecure person doesn't return to that state of excitement - they find it impossible to be happy for anyone else's success, because they seem to feel there's a finite amount of success to go around or something, and think that there's less for them if someone else achieves their dreams. It's ridiculous, but what other explanation is there for the fact that insecure guys will tear just about anyone down who they feel has achieved some success? They're jealous, plain and simple, and it's not a good look.
11 He's super clingy
Obviously, you want to spend a fair amount of time with your partner. I mean, you're together for a reason - you should enjoy spending time with them! However, an insecure guy doesn't just want to spend some quality time with you every now and then - he wants to spend literally all his time with you. He doesn't want you to go out for girls' night, or meet your friend for coffee. He needs you with him, all the time, telling him that you care for him and that nothing is as important to you as he is. Do you feel suffocated yet? Well, that's generally what the reaction is to a bad clinger. Holding onto someone so tightly they can't breathe isn't the way to gain their love - it's a way to ensure they want to get as far away from you as possible.
10 He wants your whole world to revolve around him - no friends, no hobbies, nothing
A secure guy wants a woman who has her own passions and interests, who can spend time by herself and views him as an addition to her already full and fabulous life. An insecure guy doesn't think that way. He feels threatened by just about everything and everyone, so he wants a woman who has no real passions or interests except for telling him how great he is and making him feel secure by being around and totally devoted to him. And you know what? That's utter garbage. Not only is a guy cutting you off from your friends and interests a sign of insecurity, it's also a sign of an insanely toxic relationship, so you need to cut any guy who does this loose ASAP. Seriously, it's just not okay, ever.
9 He accuses you of cheating, time and time again
A regular person generally doesn't really get suspicious of infidelity unless they have a concrete reason to - perhaps they see some questionable text messages on your phone, or they have a weird feeling about that gorgeous new co-worker you just can't stop talking about. An insecure person, on the other hand, doesn't need a reason to accuse you of cheating - he's just does, all the time, no matter whether there's any plausibility or not. He showers you with questions about the barista who smiled at you when he handed you your latte, about the mail guy who came to the door to deliver the shoes you ordered. That kind of jealousy reeks of insecurity, and it can also be majorly toxic in a relationship - no one wants to be accused of being a cheater day in and day out.
8 He acts jealous and possessive with pretty much anyone of the opposite gender
Okay, the idea that guys and girls can never really be friends without some element of attraction is stupid beyond belief - there are plenty of fantastic platonic friendships out there. However, an insecure guy will often reference that idea when he's expressing his jealousy of anyone of the opposite sex who gets within a three foot radius of you. Forget the fact that you've known a male friend since you were in diapers and have absolutely no chemistry - he'll be jealous of him. He'll be jealous of the new guy at your office, and the grocery clerk who bagged up your meal. He'll be jealous of anyone and everyone because he's insecure, plain and simple. And that kind of attitude is just plain exhausting - no one wants to deal with that all the time.
7 He tries to destroy your self-esteem
A confident partner wants you to be confident as well, so he'll make comments that build you up and encourage you to believe in yourself. He wants you to see yourself through his eyes - as a magical, ravishing creature who is sheer perfection on earth. An insecure guy has a pretty different tactic - he doesn't want you to feel good about yourself. He wants you to feel as insecure as he does, so he'll make little comments that are designed to tear down your self-esteem and self-confidence. The worst part is, often insecure guys won't do it in a blatant way - they'll phrase it in a way that you think they're just being honest or offering constructive criticism, when in fact, they're just trying to get you down to their level, and that's not okay.
6 You can't even slightly critique him without starting a big fight
You should feel secure enough in a relationship that you can critique your partner a little bit. Sure, you don't want to be constantly tearing your beloved down, but you should be able to tell them when they're being ridiculous about something, or when they need to reconsider their outfit. After all, you want them to be their best self! Now, while a confident guy can accept that kind of criticism and incorporate it in a healthy way, an insecure guy pretty much just shuts down the minute you say anything that could even remotely be construed as critical. He'll pick a fight or try to tear you down and argue about how wrong you are to say something like that. It's just exhausting. No wonder women love confident men so much!
5 He showers you with gifts - to a point where it's just too much
There's nothing wrong with getting your partner gifts from time to time. In fact, it can be a really lovely gesture, especially when there's no real occasion. Who doesn't love 'just because' flowers? However, an insecure guy will often think that he can buy your affection by just showering you with gifts, so he will - to the point where it just becomes too much. A thoughtful gift is lovely; ten gifts that were just picked up with no thought to your personality, bought simply to buy you something, are irritating. It's not about the gift itself, even - it's about the thought and care that went into buying it. A guy who is just indiscriminately showering you with gifts isn't trying to express his affection, he's trying to buy yours - and that's not cool.
4 He tells insane stories that you know aren't 100% true
Everyone knows someone who tends to weave a web when they tell even the simplest story - a simple anecdote about their experience at the grocery store transforms into a tale meant to demonstrate how heroic they are. While a confident person can just live their life and go on with things, an insecure person wants to make sure everyone knows just how fantastic they are - so they'll tell them, over and over again, in increasingly unbelievable stories. A simple gesture of goodwill is transformed into a tale of how he basically rescued someone from a burning building, to a chorus of cheering onlookers. It's just too much. No one wants to be with someone that's constantly lying about everything. There's a little embellishing for some storytelling flair, and there's just creating an entirely different narrative.
3 He's constantly checking on your social media
A confident guy is happy to let his girlfriend do whatever she wants on social media - if she wants to post a bikini selfie, hey, that's her body and her right. An insecure guy, on the other hand, is constantly checking up on his girlfriend's social media, and likely has something to say about everything. He wonders who that random guy was who liked your photo, and what that comment was all about. He wants to know why you posted a selfie where you looked gorgeous (uh, duh - because the lighting was fantastic and you looked #flawless) for all your followers to see rather than just sending it to him. It's just irritating. Everyone is entitled to live their life on social media however they want to - no one should get to censor that.
2 He's a human chameleon - his personality seems to change based on who he's hanging out with
Maybe when you were in grade school, it was okay to try to blend in and avoid standing out from the crowd. After all, you wanted to fit in. However, as an adult, no one wants to be with a human chameleon. You don't want a partner whose entire personality changes based on what group you're hanging out with that particular day - it's weird and just reeks of insecurity. If he's not confident enough to just be himself in a group of adults, that's a sign he's stuck back in that grade school mentality and just not ready to be in a relationship. I mean, can you imagine dating a human chameleon - it would be exhausting and endlessly irritating to have to guess what new version of themselves he'll become at the drop of a hat.
1 He makes fun of other people
Bullying isn't cool in the schoolyard, and it's definitely not cool when you're an adult. Everyone indulges in a bit of gossip every now and then, but you definitely don't want to be with the kind of person who makes fun of everyone. That's just a negative, toxic attitude that will affect your life in more ways than you know. No one is saying you need to be a sunny ball of optimism 24/7, but treating people with some decency definitely isn't asking too much. Everyone is different, and if a confident person wants to embrace his or her quirks, that's amazing - it's not something that should be made fun of. Yet insecure people just can't seem to stop themselves from tearing others down and making fun of them - it's such an unattractive quality.